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Have you ever been in a situation that you didn’t feel ready for but that there really was no way to really ever be ready. Like stomp-your-feet, hold-your-breath, wish-you-could-do-something to change the outcome because you “don’t wanna.” Have you ever experienced this feeling? Perhaps it came when looking for a new job, starting a new (or school year), from a friend moving away or in worst case losing someone.

I know someone who is in the tug-o-war of life right now, the struggle that is called “cancer”. Doctors have given grim outcomes and everyone has stood by watching and waiting, inside just saying “I’m not ready.” Sometimes when situations in life reach a certain emotional threshold it’s hard to find the words. But also, because there are so many emotions you want to let them out and share them with at least someone in hopes that somehow that could make a difference.

Last week I read something someone else wrote that very closely expressed what I’m feeling today. And to protect her privacy I’m just relaying part of her post called Missing.

It’s 2AM, can’t sleep.My mind is racing with so many thoughts and emotions, my tired body cannot find enough peace or rest to sleep.I am sitting in the kitchen, listening to the hum and ho of the dishwasher, processing the scene in the kitchen from earlier this evening.When I arrived at my grandparents, I was greeted by my aunt, who looked at me with joy that I was here, but pure exhaustion from the day, my sweet Pawpaw, smiling, glad that we finally made it, and my uncle, who I admire so much, for being such a strong rock throughout this experience.Someone was missing.
Nana.

…

I was in luck, it was close to her “dinnertime”, so she would be up soon to eat a little food and take some medicine.As we were getting settled, Pawpaw went to get Nana.  Within a few minutes, she was in the hallway making her journey to the kitchen.I saw my Nana less than a month ago at my sisters wedding, it seemed at that time the cancer was winning, but her appearance and movement has radically changed since then.Quietly, she said, “Come here sweetie, so I can hug your neck.”Nana hasn’t changed, her body has just failed.  The warmth and love is still there, it’s just slower and exhausted.I ran to her as quick as I could.  I smothered her with kisses, as she did me.  I told her she looked so beautiful and how much I loved her.The last few weeks have been brutal.  The next few weeks don’t look so hot either.Today was a glimpse into a foreign land, that I am not ready to visit.
The world were Nana isn’t there to hug my neck.

And just like my friend who is “not ready to visit the world where Nana isn’t here to hug her neck.” I am not ready to say goodbye to someone who has deeply touched my life. Someone who has made many hearts smile and someone that lights up a room. She is an embodiment of the word family and consequently, there are many MANY people standing at her bedside right now “wishing for a miracle.”

I know that even though most of us are not ready the time will come much sooner than what we will be ready for.

To someone I love who has loved me and many others in this life, you will always be in my heart…  I will always remember your laughter.

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We’ve all heard it, probably from our mothers… “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” This statement seems to be haunting me lately. I’ve been analyzing whether or not this statement is true for those of us who blog, or speak in public, or write books.

So here’s my question — if you have a public voice (in any platform) do you live by the rules of if you can’t say something nice OR do you owe it to the public, your audience, someone who could be effected by your comments, to speak the truth? Maybe the answer depends on the situation.

Let’s try a few out to see if you come up with a different answer:
What if you read a book you don’t like? Do you still write a public review which you were planning on doing? What if that book was given to you for free with the intention of reviewing it?
What if you don’t like your job?
What if you like your job but really have an issue with a coworker?
What if that person is your boss? Is the answer different if it’s a previous employer?
What if you are getting married and you don’t like your mother in law to be?
What if your roommate drives you crazy?
How about one of your close friends?
Does this answer change if you know this person does not read your blog?
What about a restaurant? What if you normally like it and have a bad experience?
What about a movie or an actor?
What if a friend has an ill behaved child?
What if someone has a drinking problem? Does you opinion change if that person has children?

Are there different answers depending on the impact of the thing you have an issue with?
Maybe you’d be okay writing a bad review about a restaurant online but won’t write something about people.
Or iPhone apps you dislike are okay to publicize but you chalk-up your dislike for a restaurant as personal taste and don’t publicize this.
Or it’s okay to air your grievances with your soon to be mother in law but not your boss because that could cost you your job (*and perhaps you justify this by saying the MIL doesn’t like you either).

So there are my questions, what are your answers?

About a month ago my mother sent me a very cheesy “I’m so proud of you” email. In her email she points out how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve accomplished in the 10 years since May of 2000 when I graduated high school. YES, I am about to have my 10 year high school reunion, and YES it makes me feel OLD, and it reminds me that I’m getting very close to THAT birthday!

This idea of 10 years did however get me thinking. I have changed and I have certainly grown. So I thought it might be fun to do a quick breakdown of the highlights and major life impacting events of the past ten years. And of course I catalog milestones based on how old I was at the time. So here goes nothing:

18: I graduated high school and decided 3 weeks before college started that I did not want to attend the local private college in Texas I was already enrolled in. During a vacation in Phoenix I drove from Phoenix to California on a whim, applied to a college in Southern California, decided I was going there. In a little under 2 weeks I came home and told my dad (who thought I was crazy), packed up my stuff and moved to Orange County.
19: I moved back to Texas and opted for the large state school route and decided to move into the dorms (even though I was a Sophomore) and tried alcohol for the first time (yep I was that girl). I met many of my close friends this year.
20: I had a 13 hour jaw surgery and hibernated for 3 months to heal.
21: I moved into a 4 bedroom/4 bath with 2 friends and a stranger. I also went through an intense entrance process to get into an exclusive design program.
22: I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep the entire year, I can recall many 48 hour must get this project done or I will die times.
23: I graduated college and got my first “office” job.
24: I worked full time and started freelancing and moved in with my then boyfriend.
25: I started blogging as a way to have a sense of community about the craziness that is life in your twenties. I got engaged. I was convinced I had life all planned out for the next 80 years. I went though 10 painstaking months of watching, hopelessly, someone struggle and lose the battle with cancer. I attended 7 weddings.
26: A three year relationship ended and I got unengaged. I celebrated getting laid off from a job I didn’t like. I was convinced I had no idea what I was going to do with myself, my job or my life. I went through a personal effectiveness leadership training that completely altered my outlook on life. At which point I decided I wasn’t shy anymore. I moved into my first no roommate, living alone apartment. I decided I wanted to work for myself. I networked my face-off (credit for this term goes to Miss Sydney Owen). I worked night and day, sometimes forgetting to eat, and certainly there was no time for laundry.
27: I decided I wanted to go back to the office environment and for the first time experienced the cubicle lifestyle. I worked long hours, I was thinking about work even when I wasn’t working, I traveled. I was challenged and pushed and made a huge contribution to business and an industry I was a noose to. I started speaking in public, me the person who was too shy to talk to people speaking to large audiences of people. I got to speak at the ultimate nerd conference, SXSW!
28: I traveled to Memphis, Las Vegas, Boston, New York, Chicago, New Orleans, Cape Cod, and Houston. I got a job offer without ever applying for jobs. I turned in my first letter of resignation. I am moving in with the current boyfriend. I paid off a crazy amount of debt by changing my lifestyle and living frugally. And as of this writing I still have 6 months left of being 28!

I’m sitting on an airplane flying to New England to attend my best friend’s (of 14 years wedding) so I guess you could say I am in a bit of retrospective mood. I think the reason there are so many 20-something bloggers (did you know there are 13k plus members on 20sb.net?) is because most of us have 10 years of roller-coastering, life changing, job jumping, breakups, marriages, babies, celebrations and tragedy. I’m not sure that once the clock hits 30 that all those things change but I can definitely say if someone asked me 10 years ago when I graduated high-school if I had any desire to become a public speaker I was have RUN the other way!

This exercise was fun for me, I challenge you to think about all that you’ve done, who you’ve met what you’ve contributed to and how you’ve changed in the past 10 years.

The following guest post was written by Lauren Lankford, blogger, photographer, artist, decorator, designer, writer, fashion enthusiast, & tea drinker. Lauren is a daily mission to make my life beautiful & speak the truth in love.

Hey guys! Lauren here, the Team Leader for Love Bomb!

Elysa is digging the Love Bomb project and I wanted to get you all on board! What is Love Bomb? The concept is simple. Once a week, as a worldwide community, we concentrate our love and drop a “love bomb” on a blogger who is going through hell. We change the lives of those desperately needing hope, love, care & encouragement – together, once a week, for five minutes.

We are all busy, I know this. But the next time someone asks you what you’re doing with your life, I bet your answer isn’t “cleaning up,” “going grocery shopping” or “sitting at a desk.” I know that all of you want something More.

A homeless man asked me a couple days ago what my life objective was, and without hesitation I replied, “to love people.” It’s taken me a long time to get here. To the place where that is my default answer, where it comes naturally. Yes I want to get married, yes I want to live where I want to live, there are activities and careers that I dream about. But what do I want to do with my life? Love people.

And it’s a genuine fight to fit what you’re doing with your life into your daily routine.

This is why I’m pouring a good chunk of every day into Love Bomb, and why I am the new Team Leader for the project. I want to help you fit what you truly care about into your daily or weekly routine. So please, put your name and email into the little box below, and every week when you get the email linking you to someone who desperately needs to be reminded that that love is real, take 5 minutes to do something about it. I want to see all of you grow into the place where you are content to simply respond, “I want to love people” when you are asked what you’re doing with your life.

Come on guys, you are bloggers. This is what we do. We comment to show our love.

website | @dropalovebomb

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And welcome to the Love Bomb Team.

- lauren xoxo
@laurenlankford