Preface: If you don’t feel like reading this whole post here’s the twitter sized version – My friend of 10 years, currently living in England with husband and 2 kids, needs help raising money to visit her family in TX. You could donate even $1 to help. OR tweet this with #UK2TX

One of many things that I love about social media in general is the overwhelming generosity I’ve witnessed time and time again. I think those of us who completely join in the social media world do so because we are by natural “joiners”.

Last week I was Facebook chatting with my college roomie. She and I met over the phone in the summer of 2001 when we both got the letter “introducing” us as dorm room roommates. I still remember the first day we met, which feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago. Sooooo many people have horror stories from their roommates. I think the only bad stories I could tell about our time living together (all 4 years!) was that we often stayed up too late listening to music (which made our 8am classes quite fun), we *may* have been in the habit of letting our alarms run for entirely too long in the mornings, and I can’t say we were the most organized pair :P.

I’ll give you a quick fast forward to get us to 2011 – while we were in college, Holly (just realized I hadn’t said her name yet) worked in the study abroad center, she met many fabulous people and got the travel bug… might I mention she had never been on an airplane. After graduation, she decided to move to England “for a year” before returning home to use her teaching degree. As you might have guessed, “for a year” was in 2005 and she’s still in the UK. In 2007, the girls and I road tripped down to small town Texas to stand with Holly as she married the love of her life, Ellis. She’s been living in England since. And so, back to 2011, Holly and Ellis have two adorable children and while they love the UK, Holly is missing her Texas family. I’ll let Holly tell you the next part of the story…

* * * *

Photos from the past 5 years taken in front of the same Blue Door!

So it seems as though having babies during a recession and living in the UK, 5000 miles from your family in Texas, makes family visits a bit difficult.

Our family consists of – Dad: Chaplain to students, Mom: on maternity leave, Dylan: 2.5 year old, Coen: 4.5 month old.

Mom (Holly) is a native Texan, Dad (Ellis) is a Welshman by birth. Brought together by God in love. Blessed with our first son, Dylan, in 2008 who was able to visit his grandparents, meet his aunt and uncle, two great-grandfathers and two great-grandmothers, among many other family members for Christmas 2009. Unfortunately, since then, we haven’t been able to make it back to visit.

Our second son, Coen, was born in January of this year and we’ve been desperate to get to Texas for his Texan grandparents to meet him while he is still a baby, along with many other family members. At this time the expense of the plane tickets is the big holdback. My friend believes that people want to help others where they can. I agree with her, but never imagined myself on the recipient end of such kindness. In this situation though, I’m not the only one set to benefit from said charity. Memories for many that will last a lifetime. A modern day miracle if you will.

Texan living in UK, with her husband and sons.

* * * *

So, here’s where you come in lovely people of the internet… you can help bring our family together by:

• Donating using the ChipIn plugin above or on the web – even $1 helps! (it uses paypal, for those wondering about security)
• Sharing this blog post in whatever format you like! Email, Facebook, etc.
• Tweet this post and hashtag #UK2TX
• If you are the praying type, add this family to your prayer list for good fortune and safe travels.
• and use any other creative form of expression you can come up with to help spread the word.

Have you ever been in a situation that you didn’t feel ready for but that there really was no way to really ever be ready. Like stomp-your-feet, hold-your-breath, wish-you-could-do-something to change the outcome because you “don’t wanna.” Have you ever experienced this feeling? Perhaps it came when looking for a new job, starting a new school year, from a friend moving away or in worst case losing someone.

I know someone who is in the tug-o-war of life right now, the struggle that is called “cancer”. Doctors have given grim outcomes and everyone has stood by watching and waiting, inside just saying “I’m not ready.” Sometimes when situations in life reach a certain emotional threshold it’s hard to find the words. But also, because there are so many emotions you want to let them out and share them with at least someone in hopes that somehow that could make a difference.

Last week I read something someone else wrote that very closely expressed what I’m feeling today. And to protect her privacy I’m just relaying part of her post called Missing.

It’s 2AM, can’t sleep.My mind is racing with so many thoughts and emotions, my tired body cannot find enough peace or rest to sleep.I am sitting in the kitchen, listening to the hum and ho of the dishwasher, processing the scene in the kitchen from earlier this evening.When I arrived at my grandparents, I was greeted by my aunt, who looked at me with joy that I was here, but pure exhaustion from the day, my sweet Pawpaw, smiling, glad that we finally made it, and my uncle, who I admire so much, for being such a strong rock throughout this experience.Someone was missing.
Nana.

…

I was in luck, it was close to her “dinnertime”, so she would be up soon to eat a little food and take some medicine.As we were getting settled, Pawpaw went to get Nana.  Within a few minutes, she was in the hallway making her journey to the kitchen.I saw my Nana less than a month ago at my sisters wedding, it seemed at that time the cancer was winning, but her appearance and movement has radically changed since then.Quietly, she said, “Come here sweetie, so I can hug your neck.”Nana hasn’t changed, her body has just failed.  The warmth and love is still there, it’s just slower and exhausted.I ran to her as quick as I could.  I smothered her with kisses, as she did me.  I told her she looked so beautiful and how much I loved her.The last few weeks have been brutal.  The next few weeks don’t look so hot either.Today was a glimpse into a foreign land, that I am not ready to visit.
The world were Nana isn’t there to hug my neck.

And just like my friend who is “not ready to visit the world where Nana isn’t here to hug her neck.” I am not ready to say goodbye to someone who has deeply touched my life. Someone who has made many heart smile and someone that lights up a room. She is an embodiment of the word family and consequently, there are many MANY people standing at her bedside right now “wishing for a miracle.”

I know that even though most of us are not ready the time will come much sooner than what we will be ready for.

To someone I love who has loved me and many others in this life, you will always be in my heart…  I will always remember your laughter.

We’ve all heard it, probably from our mothers… “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” This statement seems to be haunting me lately. I’ve been analyzing whether or not this statement is true for those of us who blog, or speak in public, or write books.

So here’s my question — if you have a public voice (in any platform) do you live by the rules of if you can’t say something nice OR do you owe it to the public, your audience, someone who could be effected by your comments, to speak the truth? Maybe the answer depends on the situation.

Let’s try a few out to see if you come up with a different answer:
What if you read a book you don’t like? Do you still write a public review which you were planning on doing? What if that book was given to you for free with the intention of reviewing it?
What if you don’t like your job?
What if you like your job but really have an issue with a coworker?
What if that person is your boss? Is the answer different if it’s a previous employer?
What if you are getting married and you don’t like your mother in law to be?
What if your roommate drives you crazy?
How about one of your close friends?
Does this answer change if you know this person does not read your blog?
What about a restaurant? What if you normally like it and have a bad experience?
What about a movie or an actor?
What if a friend has an ill behaved child?
What if someone has a drinking problem? Does you opinion change if that person has children?

Are there different answers depending on the impact of the thing you have an issue with?
Maybe you’d be okay writing a bad review about a restaurant online but won’t write something about people.
Or iPhone apps you dislike are okay to publicize but you chalk-up your dislike for a restaurant as personal taste and don’t publicize this.
Or it’s okay to air your grievances with your soon to be mother in law but not your boss because that could cost you your job (*and perhaps you justify this by saying the MIL doesn’t like you either).

So there are my questions, what are your answers?

• ate something you cooked yourself
• bought something you’ve been wanting for a while
• called someone just to say hi
• discovered something new about yourself
• entertained people in your home
• felt what it is like to be in someone else’s shoes
• gave back
• heard a child laugh
• indulged
• just listened to the sounds of silence
• kissed ’til your lips hurt
• loved someone so much it hurt
• mentored someone
• noticed beauty in the moment
• opened happy snail mail
• put your butt on the line for something important
• questioned the norm
• read a magazine cover to cover
• sang a song at the top of your lungs
• thanked someone
• unintentionally inspired someone
• volunteered for a cause that matters to you
• wrote your name in wet cement
• xamined the bigger picture
• yearned for things to be different
• zealously finished something you started

I learned a new word today: demi-task

Jody Gilbert at TechRepublic asks, “Do you listen 100 percent of the time or are you usually mentally engaged in several things at once?”.

In her article 10 great ideas from five great bosses Jody states:

Top dogs know that nobody can multitask effectively over the long haul. They’ve figured out how to focus with laser-like precision. And their team members come to know that their boss is really hot and can’t be bluffed. This makes the team better at being clear and precise in their communications to you, and it saves both time and energy for everyone.

I know I am guilty of multi-tasking on many occasions. What works for me is to set time limits – for one hour I will work on this project, without checking emails, and without stopping until the hour is up. Generally what happens for me is, 15 minutes into working on something I remember I was supposed to email someone back or ask someone else about a different project. I use the beginning and the end of the day to think about and handle all of those little reminders. For a great read on the side-effects of multitasking I recommend New York Times article, Slow Down, Brave Multitasker, and Don’t Read This in Traffic. Time magazine also published an article in 2006 (ages ago according to internet time) stating that we are The Multitasking Generation.

Are you a demi-tasker? or a multi-tasker? Do you think multitasking is a generational trait?

Update: This post is also featured on Brazen Careerist, there are some great contributions in the comments.

One of the things that I love about writing, and reading other people’s writing, is that sometimes all that it takes is one sentence or even one word to hit a spark right to the heart – as if this writer was reading your mind. That happened to me tonight …

It’s a Tuesday evening, I had plans after work (but I kind of got blown off by a really hot guy), I ended up at home on the couch – just me and my trusted feedly (blogs). I have this folder of fellow brazen bloggers in my reader, a folder filled with special people (very few make the cut). Ironically this is my favorite group of blogs to catch up on, but some how it’s also the group I get behind on most quickly.

This occurs for two reasons -
1) if I only have a few minutes to sit down and read, I usually pick something that won’t require much time (ie swiss miss).
2) the people who "make" this folder are quite brilliant (if I do say so myself) and they tend to write long/thought provoking posts.

I digress … so I was reading Taking a Year To Be by the brilliant, and lovely, Holly Hoffman when one particular sentence jumped out at me.

Who am I if not a ladder-climbing employee, a twenty-something entrepreneur, a moonlighting freelancer, The Person in Town Who Knows About That, a woman on the make?

I had the pleasure of staying in a hotel room and spending 5 days at SXSW (*tear) with miss Holly. During our random conversations and discussions about the panels I discovered that Holly and I have a thing or two, or five, in common. So, it shouldn’t surprise me that in this very post Holly was transcribing the thoughts that have been rolling around in my brain for the past few months.

Who am I if not …

• a gen y blogger
• that graphic design girl
• that girl who spoke at that conference
• that girl who twitters at 3 am
• that girl who wears pink
• that who used to date that guy
• that girl who loves to sing
• that girl who designed that one website

I’ve recently (June 1) started a new job and I’ve been wanting to write about the fact that having a whole new job title has sent me into a bit of an identity crisis. But, I didn’t know where to start or even have the words, but now I do "who am I if not …" my job title.

Many people experience their twenties of a time of discovering and recreating just exactly who they are – for some people it’s fun and for others it’s scary. I choose to be excited by the fact that I can change the answer to the question "who am I" ever 5 minutes if I want.

I was reading a blog post (A New Generation Gap) in which Mike Neiss, a baby boomer, discusses his perspective of how the boomer generation "failed to build a solid foundation for those who will follow us. We have made a mess. We are not the victims of changing economic conditions, we created them." He goes on to say "the next generation may be the first in a long time (ever?) that are not better off than their parents. I think we baby boomers own that."

This is an interesting concept and question. Are we, the children of the boomers, worse off than our parents? Is Gen Y going to be remembered as the first generation that had it harder than our parents did?

I think NOT! In fact I think quite the opposite. I think we are at an advantage:

• We want it all and we are willing to do whatever it takes, including not sleep. When we are passionate about something we are full steam ahead and that’s really the only attitude that’s going to work right now. In your twenties you can get away with not sleeping.
• We aren’t worried. Nisha Chittal sums it up greatly, those that have been successful "are the ones who stopped worrying about that which they can’t change, and started taking action to change what they do have control over."
• We are willing to make the most out of a less-than-ideal situation, take ownership of our role in our company and excel just for the sake of learning. Since we haven’t experienced 20 years of life being a different way we just make the most of what we have.
• This is the perfect opportunity and time for innovation and new thinkers. The way I see it, whether our current economic state is all on the boomers or not, something hasn’t been working. And when something isn’t working, really the only option is to change it. Who better to make these changes and redirections than a fresh set of eyes.
• We are at a time in our careers that we are hitting the ground running and we are eager to take on the world. My mom said to me the other day "I really don’t have the motivation to set the world on fire anymore I did that in my 20s".
• Our world is smaller. Because of our experience with technology and growing up on the web our view of this big vast world isn’t as overwhelming. I can just as easily contact an developer in Australia as I can my dad 20 miles away. In a matter of moments I can take an opinion poll on most any topic and provide instant feedback to anyone who wants to know. I personally have used this connectivity several times to create direction on a project and build relationships that turn into business.
• What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. I think if there is ever going to be a hard time in a career cycle I’d rather it be at the beginning – it creates tenacity and resilience. I see jumping into the deep-end of the pool and trying to figure out how to handle it, as a challenge and much less stressful than spending 30 years in the shallow end and then being shoved to the deep-end.
• We are being taught valuable lessons about money and overcoming circumstance at a much younger age. I know for me, because of the current uncertainty, I’m very conscious of where and what I spend my money on. I read books like I Will Teach You To Be Rich instead of romance novels and celebrity gossip magazines. I’d rather drink my $1 lattes from Big Lots and donate what I would have spent at Starbucks to a much bigger cause.
• We use every opportunity to learn. What I think is great about Gen Y is that we can use any situation as a chance to learn and grow. Ryan Paugh wrote a post about how the bar scene teaches us to do social media the right way. While others may be using the bar as an escape from the stress of work Ryan, like many Gen Yers, is a creative thinker and is always on the lookout for an opportunity to make his business better.
• We are willing to help each other out. I am blessed to have an awesome network of like minded people always willing to help each other out. I think Gen Y never outgrew the sandbox mentality. I find myself sending my friends links that would help them in their business or search for a job and they do the same in return. We send referrals back and forth and whatever else we can think of to make a difference in each other’s lives.

An additional piece that found interesting in Neiss’ post is his ending thought "I believe that our parents unwittingly made us soft. We had our needs and wants indulged by parents driven to make sure we had more than they had had as children. We can’t leave a great legacy without honest-to-goodness hard work." I find it ironic how similar this sounds to what is being said about Gen Y and not being willing to put in the work.

Call my an optimist or call me a naive but those are my two cents and for now that’s the attitude I’m stickin’ with. I’m proud to stand in excitement for what’s next instead of fear of the future!

Twenty something blogger, Sarah (aka Sarahbration) sparked quite a conversation on 20sb (20something bloggers network) all surrounding one word … feminist. The original question was quite simple and to the point:

International Women’s Day got me thinking about feminism and how few people in our generation seem to identify themselves as feminists. I’m curious to hear what other 20-somethings think.

Three days later and 9 pages of debating back and forth I’m left with some interesting insight and answers to questions that I’d never even thought about.

Sarah sets the tone with her initial blog post stating she is definitely a feminist "I’m not sure when I became aware of the f word, but it must have been fairly early on, because for as long as I can remember, I took for granted that the majority of people would say they were feminists. I mean, come on, who doesn’t believe women and men should be given equal rights and respect?".

The discussion begins with L.L saying she can’t call herself a feminist because it’s an ugly (hijacked) word. "I’m all about equality, for everyone. All colours, all sexes, all religions. However – to me, feminism has gone from calling for equality for women, to wanting women to be viewed as superior. I don’t feel that is right."

So essentially this raises the question what does feminist mean? How can you call yourself something if we can’t come to terms with what the word even means. Here’s a few of the distinctions offered by the 20sb community:

• I think feminism just means that women want the right to be any kind of woman that they want to be… Which I’m 100% on board with. – Muppet
• I think feminism is a hoax. "Lipstick" feminism, above all, is a contradiction in terms. I think men and women are created equal, but I usually disagree with most feminists on all of their politics. So many feminists want reparations for gender roles, they decide to make themselves into victims. Today’s feminists AREN’T fighting for my right to vote or… much else that really applies to me. THOSE first wave feminists didn’t just complain, they did way more than that. THIS wave of feminists is more of the sex and the city set – we have a right to be sexy, but we still talk about needing a man even though we think we’re independent.- Kat
• I’m a feminist. If I choose to wear lipstick it doesn’t make me not a feminist. If I wear my hair in french braids, or wear diamond earrings, or get a tattoo of a slice of pizza on my forearm, or wear a leather jacket, I’m still a feminist. Feminism is about choice… so anybody who wants to wear lipstick can, in my opinion. – Lisa
• Yes. I am a feminist. I don’t hate men, I love my boyfriend, I love when he takes me on dates, and I want to get married and have children some day. I shave my armpits and legs and all that good stuff. But…when I go to work, I want the guy working along side of me with the exact same level of education and experience to make the same amount of money as I do and I want to be respected in public and the work place. Feminist has become such a dirty word, it’s all about equality! – Bethany
• Some women of color choose not to associate themselves as a feminist but instead choose the term "womanist". They feel feminism doesn’t speak to them or include them in the movement. As a women of color, I consider myself a feminist because I believe in equal rights. I’m sorry, but the basic definition of feminism, as Lisa has pointed out, is about equality and I believe WOC "womanists" are feminists too. – floreta
• I think the joy of feminism is giving women, of all races, creeds and backgrounds, the chance to have the same opportunities and consideration given to them that men have. Feminism is about giving women the power to determine what they want to do, and supporting them in those decisions. – Elle Belle

Lisa, changed the direction of the discussion, through a metaphor about Christianity saying that even though there are people giving Christianity a bad name people are still standing by that term and the term feminist should be no different.

I read all 9 pages in one sitting and the discussion spun off in many interesting directions including: fathers rights in family court, maternity leave, the value of jobs historically held by women, gender discrepancy in the military, and decreasing BMIs of playmates. In the end, whenever I’m reading or listening to anything, I’m always looking for my take-a-way. I often ask my friends, at the end of movies, church and even conversations "what’s your biggest take away?". I would say that in the whole discussion mine are:

• "… feminism in no way means that we should shy away from or scoff at the value of traditional women’s roles. It simply means we don’t have to and aren’t expected to adhere to them if we don’t want to just like men shouldn’t have to follow the guidelines of traditional men’s roles." – Sarah
• And this statement which can apply to many areas of life "when you’re not extreme – PEOPLE LISTEN TO YOU. They don’t write you off automatically. We’re definitely getting things done when we argue vocally with reason, passion, and grace. No screaming here. Usually. :)" – Ashley Marie

So my next question is … "so what? now what?" – maybe it’s the marketer in me but I’m looking for a call-to-action in all of this. I’m curious with all of the passion, research and energy that I saw displayed in this discussion what actual steps (if any) can/should/would someone take because of the information that has been so gracefully hashed out in the past few days via an informal forum. If before the election someone had asked “do you call yourself a Republican?” and a nine page discussion broke out at the end I would feel compelled to go vote – that’s my very clear action.

flickr: jra7

Unemployment – the “u-word” as I’m seeing it referred to in the headlines of my google reader is touching the lives of several Gen Yers in my social sphere. Last week we had a dinner with all of my graphic design friends and one of the girls at dinner told us not only was she laid off but her whole company was closing down. So the question to ask here is what’s a girl to do?

1. Don’t Panic & Don’t take it personal: Step one seems a little obvious, but I tell you it’s important that this be the first step. This is the first time for many Gen Yers to experience being laid off so it’s easy to make it personal, which will do nothing more than keep you from making the next step.
2. Keep the ball rolling: I’ve seen a few people say “well I got laid off I’m going to give myself a vacation before I start job hunting.” Here’s my advice – don’t do it! Number 1 job hunting could take weeks (if not longer) you will have some time to catch up on sleep on the days you don’t have an interview scheduled early. Number 2 you must go on the momentum you have built up from working – it’s far too easy to get into the habit of sleeping late and feeling sorry for yourself.
3. If it’s to be it’s up to me: Job hunting is not a passive game. You can not sit at home and expect your doorbell to ring. You must treat looking for your next step as your job.
4. Be a walking/talking/interactive commercial for yourself. Do whatever it takes to show that you are invaluable to your next job – create a blog in your field to showcase your knowledge, set up an online portfolio if you are in a creative industry, get endorsements on your LinkedIn profile, give away your services for free to a non-profit while you job hunt.
5. Create multiple streams of income. Think of things you could do to bring in extra money while you are job searching – do some freelance projects, sell things on etsy, or sell things around your house you no longer need. The smell of desperation is not a very nice perfume to wear to a job interview.
6. Network & make friends. Ever heard the saying it’s not what you now it’s who you know? With the connectivity available through technology it’s just a matter of time before you are connected to the right person. I’ve seen numerous postings on twitter about people asking for connections. The internet is a great way to get your resume/blog in the right hands. Meetup.com and several other sites are great resources for finding networking events to meet people.
7. Take risks & put yourself out there. Is there a place you’ve always wanted to work but have never even applied? Find out what it takes to get in with that company and at least give your best efforts to get an interview. Many people who are unemployed are too embarrassed to ask for support – this is not the time to be a lone ranger. Send your resume to everyone (yes everyone) you know and ask them if they have any leads for you. My mom has helped my ex (yes you read that correctly) get an interview. People love to help however they can. You won’t know until you ask.

Some additional resources:

• Employees, Freelancers and Entrepreneurs – How to recession-proof yourself
• 5 Ways to Recession-Proof Your Career
• Maybe there will be a recession. Here’s what to do just in case

I’ve been having a debate for a while about personal vs professional internet presence. The question has been whether to combine my professional internet self with my personal or to create a two separate “worlds” if you will.

Let’s explain:

• Facebook: Do I want someone I meet at a networking event to be friends with me on Facebook? If I accept them there is a chance they will go through my old pictures and find pictures of me on my 21st birthday with my tongue sticking out. So do I ignore their friend request? Or the other option is to put every professional connection I make as friends with Limited Profile access. What about random internet strangers? Do I really want Jane Doe in Idaho to see pictures of my family Christmas? So this leaves me with a 3rd option – create a second Facebook account.
  I do have 2 internet identities –
  
  a) 26 year old blogger, random pink loving girl who likes to read about Gen Y
  
  b) Freelance Graphic Designer & Internet Marketer

• Twitter: This is the arena that I have really debated this identity crisis. For the most part I post about random things in my day like "I just ate the most ridiculous/random lunch – fried pickles, popcorn shrimp, & mac/cheese". Now how professional does that sound? Hey I post about macaroni & cupcakes randomly do you want me to design your company website? Don’t get me wrong I am great at what I do but I certainly have a professional, business consultant side and a random macaroni loving side and I generally don’t mesh those two worlds. The internet however is all one big web meshed together.

  So what I have been doing is using twitter just for fun, and a way to promote the blog, and allowing "work" contacts limited access on facebook. But as of tonight I’ve decided that internet schizophrenia might be the better option for me. I created a twitter account for my business and a facebook account that I will upload portfolio pieces and samples of my work. I will use both of these as venues to post marketing tips and current projects and all things work related. Since LinkedIn has always been in the professional realm it will stay as is, and I guess I will get over the paranoia that it’s odd that a stranger wants to know where I worked 2 years ago.

  Does anyone else run into the internet split personality issue or is it just me?

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