This is the 11th post in December’s Top Tens in 2010 Series. This guest post was written by Christine Arylo, transformer of Inner Mean Girls & queen of self-love.

While the holidays are advertised to bring us cheer, joy and gifts, what many of us also end up with is a rack full of stress, guilt and debt. Why? Because we listen to the negative voices in our head telling us to buy more, eat more, visit more and do more – when we are already stretched for time, money and energy.

These self-sabotaging voices are the voices of your Inner Mean Girls and Inner Bullies. Some call them the “inner critic,” but they are way more personal than that! They are like the Grinch who stole Christmas. They too will steal the joy, peace and happiness from your holidays!

You have to be smarter than these Inner Grinches and take back your power this holiday season so you can really soak in the joy, connection and celebration you deserve. Following are 10 ways you can outsmart your Inner Mean Girl or Inner Bully. And for more secrets to holiday happiness, get a download of a free ‘holiday rescue’ call at innermeangirl.com.

1. Stop Worrying About What Others Think

You can’t be responsible for how everyone around you feels about how you live your life, so stop worrying about how your family, partner and friends will react to your choices and start getting real about how you feel about your life. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about…” Give yourself permission to put yourself first.

2. Do Things Because You Want To

Throw away the big “O”, Obligation. Give up the gnarly “G”, Guilt. And make a commitment to do what you want this holiday season, even if that means you don’t do what other people want or expect of you. And if you do choose to do something you aren’t so jazzed about, challenge yourself to do it from a place of love. Ask “What is it about this action that does matter to me?” and act from that place. It’s all about the attitude. You can choose to be a martyr and a victim, or you can choose to be happy.

3. Give Up the Image

We all construct images of who we think we are and who we want the world to see, and then attempt to live up to them. Don’t try to live up to other people’s expectations, or for that matter your unrealistic expectations either. If you’re low on cash this year, be okay with that. If you aren’t feeling super happy don’t put on a fake smile. Don’t try to impress your guy’s family or friends or fit in to what everyone else is doing. Be yourself, exactly where you are right now.

4. Boldly Express Your Unique Spin on the Holidays

Want a Christmas wreath instead of a tree? Prefer Chinese food instead of a turkey? Celebrate Solstice instead of Christmas, but love to light candles at Chanukah? Like sending New Year’s cards and gifts vs holiday cards? Love plaid pants. Tradition isn’t always better, and it certainly doesn’t always make you happy. Be bold enough to express the way you choose to interpret the holidays.

5. Know What Makes You Happy

Stop trying to fit into the expectations and ideals that outside forces – society, family, work, friends — have said you ‘should’ be in order to be successful, happy and accepted, this holiday and ask one really simple questions, “What really makes ME happy?” Think about the times that you’ve been happiest during the holidays. Who were you being? What did you have? What were you doing? Do the same for your most unhappy times. Compare the two to your life today and notice the gaps.

6. Pay Attention To Your Emotions

We all have emotional triggers, things that set us off or that evoke an overly strong reaction, and the holidays are prime time for them to come up. Pay attention to situations that make you spin, get your mad factor going or that send you into the pool of suffering. Be the boss of your emotions by having and taking responsibility for them, and don’t let them drive your life. Happiness is a choice (yes, even when a relative is driving you crazy.) Put yourself in situations that create happiness and remove yourself from conversations and experiences that don’t.

7. Act On What You Know Will Make You Happy, Even It’s Hard

Putting your happiness first isn’t always easy. It often requires going against what everyone else is doing or thinking. But if you aren’t true to what feels right for you, even if it doesn’t fit the needs and sensibilities of other people — parents, partners and friends included – aren’t you just selling yourself out? You always know what the best action is to take for you, it’s just not always easy. Be committed to your happiness, even when it’s scary, and even when other people don’t like it.

8. Have an Opinion and Express It

If you don’t like the way things are going – like the plans your family is making or the way the holidays have created stress in the past – speak up. Know what you believe and don’t be afraid to express it. Happy people have convictions that come from inside their souls, minds and hearts. They know their Truth and are willing to stand in it, even when what they have to say makes others uncomfortable. Know your truth deserves to be heard just because you’re you.

9. Let Others See You. Be Vulnerable.

Share your most real self with the people around you – family, friends, and colleagues – and let them see all of you. The strong, the weak, the self-assured, the self-doubter, the funny and the serious. Have and show your emotions fully – from sadness to happiness to anger and joy. When you keep the full range of you hidden, no one can know who you truly are, and that creates unhappiness. While it may feel scary to be vulnerable, you’ll find that the more you show the real you, the more others will be willing to share their authentic self too, and the more connected and happy you’ll be.

10. Don’t Compare Yourself.

One of the fastest ways to rob yourself of your joy is to compare yourself to someone else, or to who you think you should be. Put yourself on a Comparison Diet over the holidays. Every time you find yourself thinking or saying a comparison, stop, change the channel in your head and say something that you are grateful for in your life or something that you love about yourself. Ask your friends to do the Comparison Diet with you. You’ll all be happier.

Women’s Health Magazine asked their readers to leave comments with the best advice (both practical & silly) their mother has given. Mom’s are notorious for advice giving – both when you want it and when you don’t. I’d be curious to know what is the best advice your mother has given you?

Advice from my mom:

• Always thank people when they go out of their way to do something for you – even if it’s in a form of a quick email.
• Everything is a teaching tool and a learning device – any time life isn’t going the way I’d like it to I am reminded by my mom that there are lessons to learn in everything.
• Rejection is Protection – I’m not sure where my mom get’s all of her rhyming antidotes but this is one of her favorites. She says if you don’t get that job you want or that guy doesn’t ask you out again that rejection is protection and there is something better yet to come.
• Ask for clarity and courage – when I’m having a hard time making a big decision my mom advises me to pray for clarity and courage. She says it’s important to ask for the two together so that you can act on what shows up. For example if you’re in a bad relationship and deciding whether or not to leave, if you just ask for clarity chances are you’ll get 57 red flags in your face but if you don’t have the to courage to leave then the clarity serves no purpose.
• You must have the 4 Cs for a relationship to work (communication, compatibility, common interest, & chemistry) – she says if one of the four is missing your relationship will feel like a table missing a leg.
• The way you do one thing is the way you do everything – my mom uses this one very regularly. This statement is in relation to a person’s character.

Here are some from the comments at Women’s Health Magazine:

• Anything worth doing is worth giving your best
• Don’t EVER chase a man. Choose a man that makes you feel your best!
• Being single is better than any bad relationship!
• If you don’t like it, change it.

Your turn …

PS: Happy Mother’s Day!

In this case the word pink can be taken literally & figuratively …
literally: I love pink so a Pink Christmas would be quite fun
figuratively: pink can just represent happiness :)

I’m embarking on a 12+ hour drive from Texas to Kentucky with the fam so I’m sure my Christmas will be entertaining to say the least. I’m not sure of the internet situation so I thought I’d say a Merry Pink Holiday to all of you.

Here’s some fun linkage for ya:

• Dreaming of a Pink Christmas: Pink Martini
• Coca-Cola Snow Globe Cupcakes — So Cute!
• If you didn’t send out Christmas cards, it’s not too late these New Years cards are a fun idea.
• December Party: Holiday Hideaway and Pink Elephant Gift Exchange

I have 2 questions for you:
#1 – What’s your favorite holiday song? – mine’s Silent Night
#2 – What are you plans for New Years? – mine … still undecided.

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is the days following the holiday that I get to talk to my friends and hear what gifts they received. Being a designer, most of my friends are pretty creative. I usually like to create gifts rather than purchase them. My gifts usually entail photos of some nature, I create collages in photoshop or make photo-books with some of our favorite memories together.

Today I found some cute printable gift tags that I plan to save for my next gift giving time. My favorite one says “I made this, just so you know. So don’t say anything mean about it.”

What’s the most creative gift you’ve ever given or received?

Wishing you a Merry Christmas from my new iphone. Yippie! I’m excited!

Happy Holidays! I am headed on a cruise to the Caribbean with the fam! Try not to be too jealous. Photos and stories will follow when I return. What are you doing for the holidays?

It doesn’t really feel like Christmas time here in Texas quite yet but according to my calendar Christmas is just around the corner. I don’t normally talk about child/baby related products because there are plenty of mommy blogs out there but I thought this was worth passing along. There is a website that provides live personalized calls from Santa. Santaspeaking.com makes customized phone calls to let your children have their own phone call with Santa.

A live phone call from Santa Claus from SantaSpeaking.com offers the most exciting and memorable way to talk to Santa! Completely personalized, completely fun, and totally believable!! So make your list (and check it twice!), schedule your personal phone call from Santa for the 2007 Christmas Season today and witness the awe on your child’s face when they talk to Santa. It’s fun for the entire family!

My favorite part is that they send you a CD of the recorded phone call. Would you use a service like this for your little ones?

• first and foremost the people in my life – my family, my friends and my blogging buddies
• new music, playing old music on repeat and singing at the top of my lungs, mixed CDs from friends – I am all around thankful for the abundance of music in my life
• being more than half way to my goal of being debt free by my birthday in February
• moments of relaxation with friends and grey’s anatomy – who needs more?
• making life changing decisions with no regrets
• cute text messages that let me know others are thinking of me
• being awarded a blogging award
• late night phone calls
• insights to life provided by oprah
• my health
• the little pleasures in life
• living in the moment and living my best life now

What are you thankful for?

I love me some Oprah! I just finished watching Oprah’s famous "Favorite Things" episode and well there are a few things that I feel like I must have. I do realize that the purpose of the show is to give us gift ideas but I guess I am selfish because I was thinking about myself the whole show. Thanks Oprah for trying to ruin my budget!

MELAMINE BOWLS, MEASURING CUPS AND SPOONS FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA I love matching sets and I love things that fit inside of other things. Now if only these Williams Sonoma bowls would turn me into a master chef.

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL’S PLANET EARTH DVD SET I have seen a few of these and I think this is the coolest idea. These DVDs have footage in 200 locations in 60 countries. This set is timeless and great for all ages.

CIAO BELLA BLOOD ORANGE SORBETTO Ok seriously can I have some right now? I hate that is says select stores. How will I know where I can get some?

RACHEL PALLY SWING TURTLENECK AND SAILOR PANTS These look so cute and comfy but are definitely not in the budget. I liked the shirt that Oprah had on better than the ones the models are wearing.

UNITED ARTISTS 90TH ANNIVERSARY PRESTIGE COLLECTION The gift for the ultimate movie buff- 90 of the most popular films (including Academy Award® winners) all collected into one book. Best idea ever! EVER! Want!

SHAKLEE GET CLEAN™ STARTER KIT The Get Clean™ Starter Kit by Shaklee is filled with eco-friendly, high performance concentrated cleaners, stain removers and cleaning supplies. Everyone should have this set in their home. Green your home with this cute little set.

O’S GUIDE TO LIFE O’s Guide to Life is a compilation of more than 100 of Oprah’s favorite O, The Oprah Magazine articles that help you live your best life. Topics include health, beauty, sex, love, money, family and making a difference in the world. Not only would this be a great go to guide for me this book would be perfect inspiration for genpink posts.

JOSH GROBAN’S NOEL CD I’m not normally one to buy holiday albums but I love Josh Groban.

And I also want that crazy refrigerator but that’s not even in the same neighborhood as my budget so I’m not adding it.

Did you see the show? What are your must haves?

In case you missed the show or just want to check out the rest of the list it’s all at Oprah.com.

Hope everyone has a happy Turkey Day!

Does anyone else find it strange that I am about to go to my company Thanksgiving party that spouses are not invited to? Not that I have a spouse Even though I have no spouse it still bothers me that spouses can’t come to a company party that employees are expected to show up to. Did I mention that clients are invited and that about 500 people show up to this party every year?

This is bumping up against my gen y beliefs of balancing work and family life. One of the fellow designers is married and has 2 kids. I don’t see why a company Thanksgiving party wouldn’t be the perfect opportunity for her to enjoy both work and family at the same time. I spend 40+ hours a week with these people I think it would be nice to get to know the important people in their lives.

Anyways, stepping off my soap box now and headed down with my CO-WORKERS to said party.