By Amy Ahlers, Certified Life Coach & Author

“If only I were thin enough, rich enough, better looking…THEN I could stop being so hard on myself.” Have you ever had that thought? If only your circumstances were different you could then magically shift your internal dialogue into an empowering, nurturing, loving one, right? After more than a decade of coaching people from every walk of life, I finally got it: we are hard on ourselves despite our external circumstances.

We beat ourselves up for both the big things and for the tiniest imperfections. And all this punishment isn’t helping us become more successful or to feel more fulfilled or even to get more done.

And who can blame us for being so hard on ourselves? Women have a lot on their plates: careers, romance, kids, health . . . the list goes on and on. We’re supposed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, have incredible sex with our partners (never letting him forget he’s a man — that is, assuming he is a man), get the laundry and housework done, have healthy, accomplished kids, and a tight butt and perky boobs to boot. And it’s no easier for men. The demands of modern life make us feel like we’re supposed to enjoy being pulled in a million directions at the same time. And that we’re supposed to be as flexible as Gumby on muscle relaxers. But we’re only human.

What would happen if we gave ourselves a break?

First, it is vital that you identify the critical, catty, judgmental voice in your head as your very own Inner Critic. And I’ve got news for you: Your Inner Critic is a Big Fat Liar! She/he tells you Big Fat Lies to try to maintain the status quo and keep you in your comfort zones even if your comfort zones aren’t all that comfortable.

If you want to take control of your happiness, it’s time to take Your Inner Critic out of the driver’s seat.

Try the five tips below to ditch Your Inner Critic:

Tip One: Identify Your Inner Critic’s Top 10 List of places, situations, and environments where she/he likes to show up and criticize. Is it at work? Social events? In bed? Whenever you look in the mirror? Once you know what circumstances are likely to trigger Your Inner Critic, you can be better prepared to deal with that voice.

Tip Two: Draw, doodle or sketch a picture of Your Inner Critic. Is he pudgy with big glasses? Perfectly pressed in pink? A slob with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other? Don’t worry if you think you can’t draw. No one will ever see this but you, so go for it! Having a mental image of the voice that tortures you – particularly a funny image – can instantly take away some of Your Inner Critic’s power.

Tip Three: Get to know Your Inner Critic on a deeper level. Notice what makes him louder, and notice what diminishes her power. What happens if you just yell “Shut up!”? What if you just look her calmly in the eye and reassure her that everything is going to be all right? Maybe he needs a compliment every now and then? After all, Inner Critics need love too.

Tip Four: What are Your Inner Critic’s favorite Big Fat Lies about you? What does he/she say to you over and over? Is it, “You’re a Failure,” “You’re Unlovable,” or “You’re Not Enough?” Your Inner Critic will collect evidence to make the case that you’re not good enough, even twisting things around when necessary. Your Inner Critic will do everything possible to back up those favorite punishing, disappointing, sad stories about you and your worth, so it’s up to you to remember the good stuff about you, no matter how convincing she/he seems.

Tip Five: Do this powerfully simple three step process to see through Your Inner Critic’s Big Fat Lies:

• Step One: Ask yourself, “What is my Inner Mean Girl/Inner Critic saying?” Give voice to  the Big Fat Lies you are believing. Speak them – get them out of the darkness and into the light so they can be healed. Don’t hold back here . . . rant! Let it out!

• Step Two: Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, “What does my Inner Wisdom know?” Sink into the land of your Inner Wisdom’s Truth. This is the place that feels grounded. It feels like home. Really let the Truth wash all over you and disintegrate the Big Fat Lies. Ahhh . . . that feels better!

• Step Three: Lock in your Inner Wisdom’s Truth by repeating it (aloud if possible)   accompanied by a physical gesture that reinforces the message. My Inner Wisdom has me lightly touch my heart; I have one client who waves his hand as though he were testifying in church and another who touches her belly. This gesture becomes your touchstone, reminding you to step into Truth and feel better.

Shifting your focus to your Inner Wisdom will always bring you in line with your Truth and Compassion, and you will  always feel better. As you practice this process more and more, you’ll find your Inner Superstar coming to life.

Here’s the Truth: You are a Superstar.

And I know, because my Inner Wisdom told me so.

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Join Amy Ahlers for the Exposing the Big Fat Lies Summit and Get The TRUE STORY About How To Quit Being Hard On Yourself & Start Being Happy! 21 World-Class Experts Disclose Their Secrets And Share Like You’ve Never Heard Them Before…Really! http://tinyurl.com/BigFatLiesSummit

AMY AHLERS, the Wake Up Call coach and cofounder of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School, is the author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar. Visit her online at http://www.wakeupcallcoaching.com/

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Based on the book Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar © 2011 by Amy Ahlers. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA.

www.newworldlibrary.com or 800?972?6657 ext. 52.

Are you subscribed to Notes from the Universe? You should be. The general idea is you get a daily email with a thought from “The Universe”.

As an example here’s one of my recent ones:

On most days the words in my inbox are exactly what I need to hear in that moment. I could tell you more, but really you should just subscribe for a week and decide if it’s a good fit for you.

amazing video. seriously. watch it.

I’m pretty sure I started singing as soon as I learned to talk. I had my first performance at age 5, and although it’s been a while since I’ve stepped on a stage to sing I will always know that music is a part of my being. There are a handful of songs in my life that I feel were written for ME. Some of these songs are because of the melody or the feel of the music, and others are because of the underlying message.

I don’t remember the first time I heard this song, but I know that EVERY TIME I hear it I feel inspired.

I’d like to hope that the majority of us ambitious types fall into this group of people that Nichole Nordeman talks about who want to make a difference and “leave a legacy”. I know I do.

We all need an ‘Atta boy’ or ‘Atta girl’
But in the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?

And so here’s a pretty deep question for the beginning of the week… what kind of Legacy do you want to leave?

enchantment: the process of delighting people with a product, service, organization, or idea. The outcome of enchantment is voluntary and long-lasting support that is mutually beneficial.

Have you ever met a person or bought a product/book/song/gadget and immediately became a fangirl? Quick, name 3 things you are a fangirl (or boy) of.

Mine: Apple, Amazon, and Mac & Cheese. What do these three things have in common? Nothing and everything.

Last week, before heading off to the whirlwind ideafest that is sxsw, I had the pleasure of reading Guy Kawasaki’s latest creativity Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions. To say that I was enchanted by the book would be cliche, cheesy and also true.

I’ve never been a fan of “how to” books (or blog posts for that matter). I like open ended questions, ideas, possibility and new ways of looking at things rather than if you do A, B, and C then you will achieve D. And so…

Here are some of my favorite questions that are addressed in Enchantment:

• In a professional setting is it okay to be overdressed compared to your colleagues? What does being under-dressed say about you?
• What are your passions? Do you hide them?
• Are men and women held to a different standard about swearing?
• What’s the ideal length of an email? [ok fine I'll give you this one - 6 sentences. But you'll have to get the book to find out why]
• Is “you’re welcome” really the best response to thank you?

And… because I am a foodie by hobby and profession (love!) I heart this quote:

There are two kinds of people and organizations in the world: eaters and bakers. Eaters want a bigger slice of an existing pie; bakers want to make a bigger pie. Eaters think that if they win, you lose, and if you win, they lose. Bakers think that everyone can win with a bigger pie.

Action Items:

• Buy the book. Anywhere you like, but I’m partial to Amazon.
• If you have a website, blog, or even just a twitter bio – go read your about section. Does it sound human? Does it mention your passion? If not add it. People do business (and offer jobs to) people not robots.
• Stop sending emails that could understudy as a novel.
• Acknowledge someone who has enchanted you recently. I was most recently enchanted by Kevin Hail, COO of National Breast Cancer Foundation. That story to come in a future blog post.

As a writer (blogger, with aspirations of writing a book) my favorite idea from the book was “There is no greater reward for an author than to see how people use his work.” Without knowing it, that’s how I feel about blogging and that is also why I love books.

A good reminder…

(via MARCOS SALAZAR on tumblr)

So, the Superbowl is in Dallas this weekend.

The weather in Dallas also looked like this yesterday:

this is the view outside my livingroom window

Several of my friends had off work yesterday/today for a snow day. I however, did not. Because a) I work from home (can’t stop me mr. evil winter weather muahaha) b) my company is based out of sunny California c) it was entirely too cold outside to really leave the computer anyway d) I heart my job so I end up working on “days off” – some people call those weekends.

Also, my birthday is in 5 days. Which is awesome… but… WHERE THE HECK DID JANUARY GO?! Seriously, I blinked and 2010 was gone and then someone stole January. I will be celebrating this weekend with a fun Saturday night of sushi with whoever loves me enough to brave the cold.

In a I-heart-etsy-forever-fangirl moment I created an Etsy Collection of Aquarius stuff/gifts/paintings/crafts/jewelry. I think it’s fun my mom, myself, and 2 of my best friends are Aquarians. So if you happen to know a person or two with birthdays in the next few weeks here are some gift ideas for you.

Speaking of Etsy – do you have any Etsy stores I should stalk? I’m wanting to support the 20something/20sb crowd particularly.

Other things you should know about:

• Elisa, Ophelia’s Webb, is doing an awesome series on Love for February. I’m still kicking myself for not making time to jump in, but I’m expecting greatness.
• my friend Jared is a wedding photographer here in Dallas area. He just ran a contest to give away a free photo shoot to the couple with the best engagement story. I can say, I read the winning story and it’s straight out of Disney.
• Doniree hosted a very fun series of guest bloggers for January on “what’s it your year to do/be/have”. I wrote that 2011 is my year to Belong. You can see the full series on Doniree.com (which I’m sure you are already subscribed to).
• Yesterday was Monday. Did you groan at your alarm clock because you were going to a job you hate? Perhaps you should take some inspiration from the gutsy Sydney Owen who decided to quit the practical life and go “balls out” (her words) into her dream life.
• Ever met someone who is so ambitious that you automatically feel like a slacker for knowing them? Well then you must know Jenny Blake. While most people embrace mid-twenties head on with a quarter-life crisis, Jenny wrote a book. Yes a REAL BOOK. Like it’s on amazon and everything. Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want. Pre-order it now.
• Speaking of Jenny and ambitious people – if you are new to the blogging world or just want to know more about blogging you can get 1 free hour with Rockstar Bloggers. Hey and guess what I’m one of the blogging people. I always wanted to be a rockstar.
• last but not least – I’m working on an ever growing list of things people (YOU) want to accomplish before age 30. Because, well I’m TURNING 29 IN FIVE DAYS! So add your goals/ambitions/dreams to the 20sb convo (link above) or on the Brazen Careerist discussion or in the comments below.

To recap: do know any 20something Etsy store owners? What do you want to accomplish by age 30? Go read all those links.

This guest post was written by Kate Hall, a Publicist at PowerPR, and someone I’m fortunate enough to call a friend. I know Kate through the Social Media Club of Dallas and I can’t say that I’ve ever seen this girl not smiling. So, naturally the topic of this post is very fitting for her.

With the holidays rapidly approaching (I swear just yesterday it was October), everyone gets caught up in the hustle and bustle and the who-am-I-buying-what-for-and-when-do-I-have-time routine. Rarely during the year do we pay enough attention to others and how we might be able to help. There are small gifts we can give others if we just take a little time and become aware of everyday opportunities that can make a significant difference in someone else’s day, week or even month. Below are a few ways you can pay it forward during the holiday season and throughout the year.

1. Smile. A lot.

I’m not talking about the dopey, aloof types of smiles, but the meaningful, look-you-in-the-eye type that is contagious. Smile to the guy in the car next to you, the woman that you pass in the parking lot, especially the Grinch you might encounter with a smug look plastered on their face. You know what they say, “turn that frown upside down!”

flickr: Jason Rogers

2. Let someone cut

Christmas time is notorious for long lines, pushy salespeople and frustrated shoppers. Even outside of the last few weeks of December, shopping lines at grocery stores can be miserable. If you have the time and especially if someone next to you has only a few items, it is so easy to help them out. Something as simple as letting an old man cut you in line can really make a difference in their hectic, busy day. Feeling generous? Pick up the tab for the old man’s Cheerios, orange juice and denture
toothpaste—I’m sure that’s never happened to him before.

3. Spend money where it counts

Its unavoidable: You will spend too much money this Christmas. No, your mom probably doesn’t need more candles and your grandma could go without another scarf. How about giving them something that gives back to a cause they love? Many charities and nonprofits make it easy for you to give a gift on their behalf by showing you how much impact a monetary donation can have. For instance, at Genesis Women’s Shelter $5 provides a lunch for a child in the on-site school and $25 provides a free counseling session for a woman in crisis. If you are dead set on giving an actual gift wrapped under the tree, St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital has a ton of options for gifts where 100% of profits benefit the hospital. Here is a link to the Hope Giftbook: GiftCatalog.

4. Say it with me: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Growing up in the south, this is something you get used to but it shouldn’t be taken for granted. Everyone likes to feel appreciated even if all they are doing is their job. This is especially true for men and women who are super busy this time of year working in customer service or at the post office, UPS, and FedEx. I’m sure they have to deal with some pissy customers for issues that are beyond their control. Remembering to say “please” and “thank you” regardless of your interactions is something that shouldn’t be forgotten.

5. Be Positive

Positivity, like smiles, is contagious. In most cases it takes a little time and patience trying to find the silver lining but it is always worth it. You can take a deep breath and choose how you will react, and more often than not your reaction will spur another and another. By the way, no one likes to be around a Debbie Downer much less being Debbie themselves.

6. Pick up the phone

Whether you are calling your dad, old colleague or college roommate, it is always nice to hear a familiar voice just calling to say they were thinking about you. All it takes is a few minutes a few days a week. As a queen of multitasking, I’ve learned these calls can be made while you are waiting for your car to be washed or going for a walk. Regardless of the time and place, the person on the end of the other line is usually very happy to hear from you.

7. Leave a Tip

Now this is a case where you are actually paying money to pay it forward. Nevertheless, waiters, bartenders, and people in the business of serving others don’t exactly have it easy. I don’t even want to know some of the things they have to deal with. My friends who have been waiters and bartenders are the people who are most adamant about leaving a “good” tip. From their perspectives, it isn’t done frequently enough. Whether you can give 10, 15 or 25 percent I’m sure it will be greatly appreciated.

8. Perfect the handwritten note

It is so easy to send a text or an email but handwritten notes seem to be a dying art form. They don’t have to be the fancy ones that sing “You Shook Me All Night Long” to make a difference. Just getting personal mail is a step up for most people! A simple “Thinking of You” note should do the trick!

9. Share

Whether you are able to share your time with a friend or talent with a co-worker, the same kindergarten principles hold true today: “sharing is caring” and one of my food favorites: “everything tastes better when you share.” It really doesn’t take much. You can bring food to work to share with your colleagues, offer to lend a hand with chores or sharing your time to catch up with an old friend.

10. Perfect the Golden Rule

If you let the simple phase “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” lead your decisions you should be set. Well, that and going a little above and beyond when you are able. That is what really delivers the wow and can spread the pay it forward mentality. Just that little extra.

Surely there are other specific examples that I wasn’t able to capture. Has anyone paid it forward in an extreme way? Sometimes those are sparked by something as simple as opening the door for someone or letting them take the front and center parking space. If you think about it, paying it forward is the best investment you can make!

This is the 2nd post in December’s Top Tens in 2010 Series. This guest post was written by Janet Wallace, a cupcake loving lawyer and blogger in Northern Cali.

Every day we are bombarded with advertisements that tell us how to be beautiful. According to the ads, we need dozens of products and procedures to look attractive–creams and highlighters and foundations and lip stains and botox injections. Getting beautiful can be terribly expensive. Sure, I love Sephora as much as the next girl, but here are ten beauty tips that don’t cost a cent.

1. Get Plenty of Beauty Sleep. Sleep may be for the weak, but friends, it is also for the beautiful. Sleeping Beaty didn’t get her name for nothing. Your skin renews itself as you sleep so too little can lead to dull skin and those infamous dark circles. Let’s hear it for a good eight hours of shut eye!

2. Drink to Your Beauty. To keep your skin hydrated and fresh, drink plenty of water. Sure, we all need the occassional glass of wine or our daily lattes, but the rest of the time it’s all about the H2O. And here’s a little supermodel secret: drink ice water which requires your body to expend calories to get the water to body temperature. Every little bit helps, no?

3. Breathe. Alright, so you are on your way to an event and the traffic has you running a few minutes behind. Do you rush in a big frazzled mess? Or do you arrive collected and offer a kind apology? Take a deep breath and hold yourself with grace and dignity. Beauty is more than the products you put on, it’s the way you carry yourself. Speaking of which…

4. Practice Good Posture. Good posture can instantly make you more beautiful. I know, I know: it is also difficult and annoying. We should practice together. Let’s all be lovely ballerinas at our computers–stomachs in, back flat, chin up. Look at that. We are prettier already.

5. Exercise. It’s amazing what a regular workout can do for your body. In addition to overall body fitness, which always makes me feel and look better, improved circulation makes skin and hair look brighter.

6. Smile. A simple and straightforward beauty tip that is twice as attractive when it’s genuine.

7. Edit. It’s time to implement the old adage: less is more. Go through your closet and get rid of all the items that make you feel frumpy, that are worn and outdated, and that simply don’t fit. It’s far better to work with a limited, tried-and-true wardrobe that makes you feel good than have an endless supply of shabby items that just don’t work. {editor’s note: this tip is definitely an example of practice what you preach, Janet recently did a 30 day closet cleansing exercise that consisted of mixing and matching her signature Black & Gray pieces with some color here and there.}

8. Be Classic. It’s terribly expensive to constantly be updating your style to align with the ever-changing trends. Remember: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being classic. Take a look at Audrey Hepburn, a perfectly timeless example of elegance. Her simple, understated wardrobe would be just as stylish today. When you are about to charge an outrageously trendy item on your American Express, ask yourself: What Would Audrey Do (WWAD)?

9. Know that you don’t have to be perfect, to be perfect. The flaws, oh, the flaws. We all have them (well, except maybe Elizabeth Hurley). The wrinkle here. The pimple there. The frizz, the freckle, the scar. Too thin, too wide, too small, too large. There’s a reason the models in our magazines are airbrushed. It’s simply impossible to be perfect! So, it’s time to let it go. Seriously. Accept the imperfections, whatever they may be. This is probably the hardest item on the list, so make a resolution to make peace with your flaws in 2011.

10. Build Your Confidence. Ladies, you are beautiful. Believe it. Radiate it. Confidence is beautiful.

I dare you to listen to this without smiling…