GenPink

Have you ever been in a situation that you didn’t feel ready for but that there really was no way to really ever be ready. Like stomp-your-feet, hold-your-breath, wish-you-could-do-something to change the outcome because you “don’t wanna.” Have you ever experienced this feeling? Perhaps it came when looking for a new job, starting a new (or school year), from a friend moving away or in worst case losing someone.

I know someone who is in the tug-o-war of life right now, the struggle that is called “cancer”. Doctors have given grim outcomes and everyone has stood by watching and waiting, inside just saying “I’m not ready.” Sometimes when situations in life reach a certain emotional threshold it’s hard to find the words. But also, because there are so many emotions you want to let them out and share them with at least someone in hopes that somehow that could make a difference.

Last week I read something someone else wrote that very closely expressed what I’m feeling today. And to protect her privacy I’m just relaying part of her post called Missing.

It’s 2AM, can’t sleep.My mind is racing with so many thoughts and emotions, my tired body cannot find enough peace or rest to sleep.I am sitting in the kitchen, listening to the hum and ho of the dishwasher, processing the scene in the kitchen from earlier this evening.When I arrived at my grandparents, I was greeted by my aunt, who looked at me with joy that I was here, but pure exhaustion from the day, my sweet Pawpaw, smiling, glad that we finally made it, and my uncle, who I admire so much, for being such a strong rock throughout this experience.Someone was missing.
Nana.

…

I was in luck, it was close to her “dinnertime”, so she would be up soon to eat a little food and take some medicine.As we were getting settled, Pawpaw went to get Nana.  Within a few minutes, she was in the hallway making her journey to the kitchen.I saw my Nana less than a month ago at my sisters wedding, it seemed at that time the cancer was winning, but her appearance and movement has radically changed since then.Quietly, she said, “Come here sweetie, so I can hug your neck.”Nana hasn’t changed, her body has just failed.  The warmth and love is still there, it’s just slower and exhausted.I ran to her as quick as I could.  I smothered her with kisses, as she did me.  I told her she looked so beautiful and how much I loved her.The last few weeks have been brutal.  The next few weeks don’t look so hot either.Today was a glimpse into a foreign land, that I am not ready to visit.
The world were Nana isn’t there to hug my neck.

And just like my friend who is “not ready to visit the world where Nana isn’t here to hug her neck.” I am not ready to say goodbye to someone who has deeply touched my life. Someone who has made many hearts smile and someone that lights up a room. She is an embodiment of the word family and consequently, there are many MANY people standing at her bedside right now “wishing for a miracle.”

I know that even though most of us are not ready the time will come much sooner than what we will be ready for.

To someone I love who has loved me and many others in this life, you will always be in my heart…  I will always remember your laughter.

About a month ago my mother sent me a very cheesy “I’m so proud of you” email. In her email she points out how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve accomplished in the 10 years since May of 2000 when I graduated high school. YES, I am about to have my 10 year high school reunion, and YES it makes me feel OLD, and it reminds me that I’m getting very close to THAT birthday!

This idea of 10 years did however get me thinking. I have changed and I have certainly grown. So I thought it might be fun to do a quick breakdown of the highlights and major life impacting events of the past ten years. And of course I catalog milestones based on how old I was at the time. So here goes nothing:

18: I graduated high school and decided 3 weeks before college started that I did not want to attend the local private college in Texas I was already enrolled in. During a vacation in Phoenix I drove from Phoenix to California on a whim, applied to a college in Southern California, decided I was going there. In a little under 2 weeks I came home and told my dad (who thought I was crazy), packed up my stuff and moved to Orange County.
19: I moved back to Texas and opted for the large state school route and decided to move into the dorms (even though I was a Sophomore) and tried alcohol for the first time (yep I was that girl). I met many of my close friends this year.
20: I had a 13 hour jaw surgery and hibernated for 3 months to heal.
21: I moved into a 4 bedroom/4 bath with 2 friends and a stranger. I also went through an intense entrance process to get into an exclusive design program.
22: I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep the entire year, I can recall many 48 hour must get this project done or I will die times.
23: I graduated college and got my first “office” job.
24: I worked full time and started freelancing and moved in with my then boyfriend.
25: I started blogging as a way to have a sense of community about the craziness that is life in your twenties. I got engaged. I was convinced I had life all planned out for the next 80 years. I went though 10 painstaking months of watching, hopelessly, someone struggle and lose the battle with cancer. I attended 7 weddings.
26: A three year relationship ended and I got unengaged. I celebrated getting laid off from a job I didn’t like. I was convinced I had no idea what I was going to do with myself, my job or my life. I went through a personal effectiveness leadership training that completely altered my outlook on life. At which point I decided I wasn’t shy anymore. I moved into my first no roommate, living alone apartment. I decided I wanted to work for myself. I networked my face-off (credit for this term goes to Miss Sydney Owen). I worked night and day, sometimes forgetting to eat, and certainly there was no time for laundry.
27: I decided I wanted to go back to the office environment and for the first time experienced the cubicle lifestyle. I worked long hours, I was thinking about work even when I wasn’t working, I traveled. I was challenged and pushed and made a huge contribution to business and an industry I was a noose to. I started speaking in public, me the person who was too shy to talk to people speaking to large audiences of people. I got to speak at the ultimate nerd conference, SXSW!
28: I traveled to Memphis, Las Vegas, Boston, New York, Chicago, New Orleans, Cape Cod, and Houston. I got a job offer without ever applying for jobs. I turned in my first letter of resignation. I am moving in with the current boyfriend. I paid off a crazy amount of debt by changing my lifestyle and living frugally. And as of this writing I still have 6 months left of being 28!

I’m sitting on an airplane flying to New England to attend my best friend’s (of 14 years wedding) so I guess you could say I am in a bit of retrospective mood. I think the reason there are so many 20-something bloggers (did you know there are 13k plus members on 20sb.net?) is because most of us have 10 years of roller-coastering, life changing, job jumping, breakups, marriages, babies, celebrations and tragedy. I’m not sure that once the clock hits 30 that all those things change but I can definitely say if someone asked me 10 years ago when I graduated high-school if I had any desire to become a public speaker I was have RUN the other way!

This exercise was fun for me, I challenge you to think about all that you’ve done, who you’ve met what you’ve contributed to and how you’ve changed in the past 10 years.

Let’s play what if…

• What if you had the right boyfriend?
• What if you had all the money that you could need?
• What if you had great health?
• What if you had wonderful friends?
• What if you had your dream job?
• What if you had balance in your life?
• What if you had the perfect pet?
• What if you had the car you’ve always wanted?
• What if you loved your life?
• What if… there was nothing left to want?

Is it possible? What if it all went right?

In the fast paced world that is microblogging and social media there are numerous blog posts, articles and various links posted every minute. There are a multitude sites you can browse most popular links shared, but even then the chance of catching all of the great content is pretty unlikely. I was lucky yesterday to see a link to a blog post written in July 2008 that absolutely inspired me. The blog is Marc and Angel Hack Life and the post is 20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday.

I have 20 questions for you. These questions should be reviewed every Sunday morning or sometime during the weekend when you have some quiet time to think. Remember, reflection is the key to progression.

The questions are explained in more detail on the original post, but here are the questions:

1. What did I learn last week?
2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week?
3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why?
4. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week?
5. What can I do right now to make the week less stressful?
6. What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week?
7. What was last week’s biggest time sink?
8. Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped?
9. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done?
10. What opportunities are still on the table?
11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to?
12. Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’?
13. How can I help someone else this coming week?
14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years?
15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals?
16. What’s the next step for each goal?
17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week?
18. What are my fears?
19. What am I most grateful for?
20. If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with?

And of course I have a few of my own to add:

1. Who can I inspire this week?
2. Did I tell the people in my life how much they mean to me?
3. Did I make a difference with someone?
4. Did I learn something?
5. Have I done something creative this week?

What questions do you ask yourself every week?

I have a confession … I subscribe to Oprah’s E-Newsletter. For shame, yes I know, I’m not a stay at home housewife and as a career women I hate the which jeans look best on your butt articles but ya know I do find a lot of quality stuff in the vast media that is Team Oprah.

On this lazy Sunday, I particularly enjoyed reading Celebrities Discuss Following Their Passion. I’m not a celebrity gossip fan but I do love life lessons of people doing what they love to do.

Here’s a great quote from Aisha Tyler. Check out the rest if you’re interested.

Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter. I had to give up so much to do those awful college shows. But what I gained—the knowledge that I could do anything I set my mind to—was greater. What I learned in that shabby hotel room with the moldy shower curtain and the iron burns on the carpet was that I had what it took to go all the way: pure, unadulterated bullheadedness. – Aisha Tyler

I think it’s a pretty common struggle of twentysomethings to find our passion. Time and trial and error were my answers. What about you?