Have you ever been in a situation that you didn’t feel ready for but that there really was no way to really ever be ready. Like stomp-your-feet, hold-your-breath, wish-you-could-do-something to change the outcome because you “don’t wanna.” Have you ever experienced this feeling? Perhaps it came when looking for a new job, starting a new (or school year), from a friend moving away or in worst case losing someone.

I know someone who is in the tug-o-war of life right now, the struggle that is called “cancer”. Doctors have given grim outcomes and everyone has stood by watching and waiting, inside just saying “I’m not ready.” Sometimes when situations in life reach a certain emotional threshold it’s hard to find the words. But also, because there are so many emotions you want to let them out and share them with at least someone in hopes that somehow that could make a difference.

Last week I read something someone else wrote that very closely expressed what I’m feeling today. And to protect her privacy I’m just relaying part of her post called Missing.

It’s 2AM, can’t sleep.My mind is racing with so many thoughts and emotions, my tired body cannot find enough peace or rest to sleep.I am sitting in the kitchen, listening to the hum and ho of the dishwasher, processing the scene in the kitchen from earlier this evening.When I arrived at my grandparents, I was greeted by my aunt, who looked at me with joy that I was here, but pure exhaustion from the day, my sweet Pawpaw, smiling, glad that we finally made it, and my uncle, who I admire so much, for being such a strong rock throughout this experience.Someone was missing.
Nana.

…

I was in luck, it was close to her “dinnertime”, so she would be up soon to eat a little food and take some medicine.As we were getting settled, Pawpaw went to get Nana.  Within a few minutes, she was in the hallway making her journey to the kitchen.I saw my Nana less than a month ago at my sisters wedding, it seemed at that time the cancer was winning, but her appearance and movement has radically changed since then.Quietly, she said, “Come here sweetie, so I can hug your neck.”Nana hasn’t changed, her body has just failed.  The warmth and love is still there, it’s just slower and exhausted.I ran to her as quick as I could.  I smothered her with kisses, as she did me.  I told her she looked so beautiful and how much I loved her.The last few weeks have been brutal.  The next few weeks don’t look so hot either.Today was a glimpse into a foreign land, that I am not ready to visit.
The world were Nana isn’t there to hug my neck.

And just like my friend who is “not ready to visit the world where Nana isn’t here to hug her neck.” I am not ready to say goodbye to someone who has deeply touched my life. Someone who has made many hearts smile and someone that lights up a room. She is an embodiment of the word family and consequently, there are many MANY people standing at her bedside right now “wishing for a miracle.”

I know that even though most of us are not ready the time will come much sooner than what we will be ready for.

To someone I love who has loved me and many others in this life, you will always be in my heart…  I will always remember your laughter.

About a month ago my mother sent me a very cheesy “I’m so proud of you” email. In her email she points out how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve accomplished in the 10 years since May of 2000 when I graduated high school. YES, I am about to have my 10 year high school reunion, and YES it makes me feel OLD, and it reminds me that I’m getting very close to THAT birthday!

This idea of 10 years did however get me thinking. I have changed and I have certainly grown. So I thought it might be fun to do a quick breakdown of the highlights and major life impacting events of the past ten years. And of course I catalog milestones based on how old I was at the time. So here goes nothing:

18: I graduated high school and decided 3 weeks before college started that I did not want to attend the local private college in Texas I was already enrolled in. During a vacation in Phoenix I drove from Phoenix to California on a whim, applied to a college in Southern California, decided I was going there. In a little under 2 weeks I came home and told my dad (who thought I was crazy), packed up my stuff and moved to Orange County.
19: I moved back to Texas and opted for the large state school route and decided to move into the dorms (even though I was a Sophomore) and tried alcohol for the first time (yep I was that girl). I met many of my close friends this year.
20: I had a 13 hour jaw surgery and hibernated for 3 months to heal.
21: I moved into a 4 bedroom/4 bath with 2 friends and a stranger. I also went through an intense entrance process to get into an exclusive design program.
22: I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep the entire year, I can recall many 48 hour must get this project done or I will die times.
23: I graduated college and got my first “office” job.
24: I worked full time and started freelancing and moved in with my then boyfriend.
25: I started blogging as a way to have a sense of community about the craziness that is life in your twenties. I got engaged. I was convinced I had life all planned out for the next 80 years. I went though 10 painstaking months of watching, hopelessly, someone struggle and lose the battle with cancer. I attended 7 weddings.
26: A three year relationship ended and I got unengaged. I celebrated getting laid off from a job I didn’t like. I was convinced I had no idea what I was going to do with myself, my job or my life. I went through a personal effectiveness leadership training that completely altered my outlook on life. At which point I decided I wasn’t shy anymore. I moved into my first no roommate, living alone apartment. I decided I wanted to work for myself. I networked my face-off (credit for this term goes to Miss Sydney Owen). I worked night and day, sometimes forgetting to eat, and certainly there was no time for laundry.
27: I decided I wanted to go back to the office environment and for the first time experienced the cubicle lifestyle. I worked long hours, I was thinking about work even when I wasn’t working, I traveled. I was challenged and pushed and made a huge contribution to business and an industry I was a noose to. I started speaking in public, me the person who was too shy to talk to people speaking to large audiences of people. I got to speak at the ultimate nerd conference, SXSW!
28: I traveled to Memphis, Las Vegas, Boston, New York, Chicago, New Orleans, Cape Cod, and Houston. I got a job offer without ever applying for jobs. I turned in my first letter of resignation. I am moving in with the current boyfriend. I paid off a crazy amount of debt by changing my lifestyle and living frugally. And as of this writing I still have 6 months left of being 28!

I’m sitting on an airplane flying to New England to attend my best friend’s (of 14 years wedding) so I guess you could say I am in a bit of retrospective mood. I think the reason there are so many 20-something bloggers (did you know there are 13k plus members on 20sb.net?) is because most of us have 10 years of roller-coastering, life changing, job jumping, breakups, marriages, babies, celebrations and tragedy. I’m not sure that once the clock hits 30 that all those things change but I can definitely say if someone asked me 10 years ago when I graduated high-school if I had any desire to become a public speaker I was have RUN the other way!

This exercise was fun for me, I challenge you to think about all that you’ve done, who you’ve met what you’ve contributed to and how you’ve changed in the past 10 years.

Let’s play what if…

• What if you had the right boyfriend?
• What if you had all the money that you could need?
• What if you had great health?
• What if you had wonderful friends?
• What if you had your dream job?
• What if you had balance in your life?
• What if you had the perfect pet?
• What if you had the car you’ve always wanted?
• What if you loved your life?
• What if… there was nothing left to want?

Is it possible? What if it all went right?

In the fast paced world that is microblogging and social media there are numerous blog posts, articles and various links posted every minute. There are a multitude sites you can browse most popular links shared, but even then the chance of catching all of the great content is pretty unlikely. I was lucky yesterday to see a link to a blog post written in July 2008 that absolutely inspired me. The blog is Marc and Angel Hack Life and the post is 20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday.

I have 20 questions for you. These questions should be reviewed every Sunday morning or sometime during the weekend when you have some quiet time to think. Remember, reflection is the key to progression.

The questions are explained in more detail on the original post, but here are the questions:

1. What did I learn last week?
2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week?
3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why?
4. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week?
5. What can I do right now to make the week less stressful?
6. What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week?
7. What was last week’s biggest time sink?
8. Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped?
9. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done?
10. What opportunities are still on the table?
11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to?
12. Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’?
13. How can I help someone else this coming week?
14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years?
15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals?
16. What’s the next step for each goal?
17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week?
18. What are my fears?
19. What am I most grateful for?
20. If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with?

And of course I have a few of my own to add:

1. Who can I inspire this week?
2. Did I tell the people in my life how much they mean to me?
3. Did I make a difference with someone?
4. Did I learn something?
5. Have I done something creative this week?

What questions do you ask yourself every week?

I have a confession … I subscribe to Oprah’s E-Newsletter. For shame, yes I know, I’m not a stay at home housewife and as a career women I hate the which jeans look best on your butt articles but ya know I do find a lot of quality stuff in the vast media that is Team Oprah.

On this lazy Sunday, I particularly enjoyed reading Celebrities Discuss Following Their Passion. I’m not a celebrity gossip fan but I do love life lessons of people doing what they love to do.

Here’s a great quote from Aisha Tyler. Check out the rest if you’re interested.

Nothing really worth having is easy to get. The hard-fought battles, the goals won with sacrifice, are the ones that matter. I had to give up so much to do those awful college shows. But what I gained—the knowledge that I could do anything I set my mind to—was greater. What I learned in that shabby hotel room with the moldy shower curtain and the iron burns on the carpet was that I had what it took to go all the way: pure, unadulterated bullheadedness. – Aisha Tyler

I think it’s a pretty common struggle of twentysomethings to find our passion. Time and trial and error were my answers. What about you?

I just finished watching The Upside of Anger, as the credit music plays in the background I’m still unsure of whether or not I even liked the movie. I do know … it’s one of those that leaves you thinking. Either way this quote from the end is certainly worth sharing:

Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That’s what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It’s real, though – the fury, even when it isn’t. It can change you… turn you… mold you and shape you into something you’re not. The only upside to anger, then… is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they’re not afraid to take the journey, someone that knows that the truth is, at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits, and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance, and the promise of calm. Then again, what do I know? I’m only a child.

Wired Magazine put together a list of 32 New Rules for the 21st Century, each rule links to an in depth explanation (and in some cases a how-to).

Here are a few of my favorites:

• Wait Before Revealing TV Spoilers: I’ve found that I have to avoid twitter completely during Grey’s Anatomy because people are so quick to tweet what’s going on. Be courteous and remember that some people DVR or watch shows online after they air.
• Meet Online Friends in the Real World: I very highly recommend this! Back in March I had a great time getting to meet several Brazen Careerists that I had been conversing with online for the past few years. I’ve also scheduled and attended various tweet-ups and other local events just for fun.
• Never Broadcast Your Relationship Status: Broadcasting to the world that you are in a fight with your boyfriend or husband by changing your relationship status to "It’s Complicated" is childish. End of Story!
• Seek Out Your Coworkers on Facebook: While I personally agree with this idea, I think it’s beneficial to ask your coworker on a lunch break about their thoughts of adding people on Facebook. I’ve added several of my new coworkers but if someone doesn’t like to add work people that’s their choice.
• Don’t Work All the Time — You’ll Live to Regret It: What is it they say: Life, Laugh, Love … and all that right?

Have any new rules you’d like to add?

What’s your story? Pick out a few things that make you who you are.

I think this HP You on You is a great viral marketing campaign.

“When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.” — Daniel Amen

Granted 18 was 9 years ago (ahh how did that happen?!), but I still found this list of 91 Things Every 18-Year-Old Should Know quite insightful. Most, if not all, of the things on the list are pretty common sense but a) I love lists & b) sometimes it’s nice to have a reminder.

My fav’s from the list:

• 35) “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
• 36) If you want to do something exceptional, don’t expect anyone to believe you can do it until you’ve done it. Unless you’re already perceived as exceptional, most people won’t believe in you. That’s doubly true for the people who know you best and have therefore seen you at your most mediocre, like your parents, family, and friends.
• 45) “If you want your life to have impact, focus it! Stop dabbling. Stop trying to do it all. Do less. Prune away even good activities and do only that which matters most. Never confuse activity with productivity. You can be busy without a purpose, but what’s the point?” — Rick Warren
• 61) It’s generally a very good idea to avoid writing email, letters, blog posts, or even having conversations with people when you are upset or very emotional. If you do anyway, usually, once you’ve cooled off, you’ll wish you had handled things differently.
• 68) There is a lot to that old saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who know.” Use that to your advantage when you can. A handshake and a hello at the office, a quick introduction at church, or a short conversation before dinner can get you more jobs, help, and good advice than you ever thought possible.
• 88) “If you are bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.” — Lou Holtz

Would love to know what your favorites are, or perhaps words of wisdom you wish you had known at 18.

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This is a continuation of the in case you missed it series. This week in catching up on my twenty something bloggers I noticed a theme… I’m not sure if this theme came from the idea that this is what I’m focusing on right now in my life or if coincidentally (or not) Gen Yers decided to post this week about the importance on your outlook on life. Either way … here are some great posts that you should check out:

• Don’t Give Up on Your Childlike Dreams: Matt Wilson, co-founder of Under30CEO guest posts with a video entry letting Gen Y know that we can be whatever we want when we grow up and most importantly to have fun with what we are doing.
• The Joy of Imperfection: "There is something about letting go of perfection that allows you to begin living. The joy of imperfection is knowing that who you are is enough. And, in fact, it’s perfect."
• Are You Who You Want To Be: Jamie Varon asks us if it’s time for a change … "In the daydreams, I’m the person I want to be and if I’m still in my head, then I’m not that person. Why would I have to daydream if I was just out doing it? It’s ridiculous and I need to leap. Do you need to leap?"
• Focus On the Upside: Advice for Gen Y About Taking Risks: This post was not written by a gen yer but she gives us tips to focus on the upside, especially in an anxious market that may reinforce your habit of playing it safe.
• Gen Y needs boundaries for action: I find that often when I’m reading Rebecca’s blog I feel like she’s writing a conversation I’ve been having my head at that time. This post is a definite example of an internal debate I’ve been having lately – the 20 something struggle between boundaries and freedom.
• You May Say I’m a Dreamer: First of all anyone who quotes John Lennon is automatically cool in my book. And secondly, I enjoyed Susan’s perspective watching a young girl play in a park while she was on her lunch break … "Once upon a time, I was that little girl, longing for playtime, loving and living in the moment, wishing on stars and believing that anything was possible"
• What Inspires You?: a guest post from 22 year old Argentinean blogger Carlos Miceli- this post discusses change as the element of inspiration in his life. "The thing about change is that it always brings the new. It brings potential. I have seen that with every life-changing decision that I made, I faced fear, uncertainty and doubt, but most importantly, excitement."

Other Gen Y Posts you shouldn’t have missed:

• Shame on you silver spoon: my dear friend Sydney gives us a great look at the reality of many gen yers living off their parents during college.
• 20-something money diaries: I’ve just recently stumbled upon Ramit’s (I Will Teach You to Be Rich) series of 20-something money diaries, real life stories of various 20 somethings and their daily life with money.
• 20-somethings for Charity: the community of 20-something bloggers has teamed up with HandsIn to give back in a big way.
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