I know my live-by-the-planner-bestie may glare at me for saying this but … In your twenties you can do all the planning you like. You can plan to graduate with honors. Plan to get a kickass internship far far away from your parents. You can plan to ask that hottie at work out and you can plan to pick the salad over the pasta. There is a false idea of what the word “plan” really means. Plan is not set in stone. Plan is not a fortune teller, and plan is not an enforcer.

If you stopped and looked today, are you currently living in your 5 year plan from 5 years ago? Mine is similar with a change of cast. Turning 30 will do that for ya, out with the old in with the new!

How do you treat plans in you life?

Danae Matthews lives in San Francisco and writes for an on-line women’s health resource Women’s Health Base.

Hit the Brakes

There is a defining moment in every relationship. The first kiss that assures a mutual attraction. Meeting the parents. For all of the flowery displays of affection and exclusivity there are then the “red-flag” moments. Amidst the red-flags it can become hard for us to decipher what are speed-bumps and what are road-blocks. The deal breakers that should send us heading for the hills so frequently become the things that we think we can “work out” together. This is why you have so many girlfriends stuck in dead-end relationships lying to themselves that at the heart of it all, they are meant to be together.
So how do you decode a speed-bump from a road-block? Every relationship comes with its own set of rules of course, but some things to keep in mind…

1. Your significant other doesn’t like any of your friends
   Who you choose to surround yourself with is a direct reflection on you and your personality. If the person you’re dating takes issue with your best gaggle of girlfriends watch out. This could mean a number of different things, but two big ones could be: he is conditioning your relationship to be exclusively you+him by cutting out the competition, and/or there are things he doesn’t love about you that he sees illuminated in your friend group.
2. Major life decisions start being taken off the table
   If all of the sudden your boyfriend starts getting really adamant about the things he doesn’t want, listen to what he’s saying. If in the beginning of dating you managed to tip-toe around most of the serious subjects, but now he is making big proclamations about never wanting to get married, or having no desire to have children it could be the symptom of a much bigger problem. The last thing you want to do is think that if you stay together longer, he will change his mind.
3. You start getting calls and texts to see what you’re doing
   This is a fine line to walk. Some couples text all day long as a way to get through a tedious work-day or stay connected. But if you start getting more and more texts or calls just to “check-in” and see what you are doing it might be a good idea to hit the brakes and convene for a convo. You already have one father and if you allow what may seem like innocent behavior go on too long, you could end up with two.
4. Separate religions, but now you’re serious
   So this is a really hard one to navigate. Some people avoid this problem entirely by only dating people within their own belief system. But a major speed-bump turned road-block can be dating and then falling for someone of an opposite religion. If this happens you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about where you think your relationship is going and how serious you both are about your beliefs. The last thing you want to do is pass on an opportunity for love without having discussed things first. Just remember- definitely not a conversation for date number one or two!
5. You have to instigate all plans
   If in the beginning of your relationship/dating your guy made all the plans to go out and now it’s all on you, it could mean more than you think. It is natural for guys to get comfortable in a relationship and get lazy, especially if you live together. But if you are still in the early stages and you are always the one getting together plans this is a red-flag. You should still be the main focus a year, 5 years, heck- 20 years into a relationship!

By Annie Favreau from Inside Jobs

Whether you’re a graduate on your first employment hunt or a young professional looking for a career change, you want to choose a job that’s got a future. One way to do this? Pick a career in a new or developing field. Here are five jobs that hadn’t been invented when you were in grade school:

Digital Journalist – Digital journalists are like the energizer bunnies of journalism: you find stories quicker and deliver news faster by blogging, micro-blogging, vlogging, texting, tweeting, and generally feeding the social media frenzy.

This is a relatively new field, born from the public’s ever increasing consumption of on-demand, easy-to-digest news. As such, the new breed of reporters must distinguish which stories are best told through what medium—words, photographs, video, audio recording, or visual graphics.

A word of warning: because you’re often working without the safety net of an editor, digital journalists need a strong knowledge of journalism ethics and media laws. That way, you can avoid career-killing situations, like getting sued for libel.

Average salary: $25,480–$51,210

Environmental Economist – Mathematically minded folks who are interested in greening up their jobs should consider becoming Environmental Economists. This career choice marries ecological and economic sustainability: you perform cost/benefit analysis of government policies that deal with air pollution, water quality, waste, and global warming.

Environmental Economics has been around for a while. But now that everyone and their mother are concerned about shrinking their carbon footprints (and rightly so), this career field is developing into a professional hot spot.

Average salary: $60,990–$119,630

TSA Officer – The Transportation Security Administration (TSA for short) was created exactly ten years ago in response to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Since then, TSA agents have been screening passengers, baggage, and cargo to protect our friendly skies.

At first glance, this job might not seem a little…well, boring. Going through some lady’s bag to find her illegal tweezers isn’t a job most people dream about. However, TSA officers often receive extensive training in the fields of security, intelligence, and counter-terrorism which can lead to other career openings. And you’re the first line of defense against any and all threats.

Average salary: $21,980–$39,990

Forensic Accountant — If you’re a math whiz but have always secretly fantasized about investigating and bringing down criminals, why not combine your two interests and enter the world of forensic accounting?

Investigating insurance claims, tax evasion, money laundering, and fraud are all part of the daily grind. But it’s not all paper trails and numbers; forensic accountants are often called as expert witnesses in court.

Technically, this job is more than ten years old, but the demand has grown exponentially in recent times (Bernie Madoff, anyone?).

Average salary: $46,740–$79,470

Online Reputation Manager – Anyone who’s Googled themselves understands the value of an online reputation manager.

Whether you’re deleting Facebook photos of a CEO smoking something strange, or responding to complaints about a company’s product, online rep managers works to maintain a pristine online image for their clients.

What’s it take to succeed in this position? Not a lot beyond a firm grasp on social media, strong communication skills, and the willingness to spin a story. The field is so new that even the experts have only been working there for a couple of years.

Average salary: $38,740–$72,180

Annie Favreau works for Inside Jobs, a career exploration site that helps people discover what opportunities exist and learn what paths can take them there.

By Amy Ahlers, Certified Life Coach & Author

“If only I were thin enough, rich enough, better looking…THEN I could stop being so hard on myself.” Have you ever had that thought? If only your circumstances were different you could then magically shift your internal dialogue into an empowering, nurturing, loving one, right? After more than a decade of coaching people from every walk of life, I finally got it: we are hard on ourselves despite our external circumstances.

We beat ourselves up for both the big things and for the tiniest imperfections. And all this punishment isn’t helping us become more successful or to feel more fulfilled or even to get more done.

And who can blame us for being so hard on ourselves? Women have a lot on their plates: careers, romance, kids, health . . . the list goes on and on. We’re supposed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, have incredible sex with our partners (never letting him forget he’s a man — that is, assuming he is a man), get the laundry and housework done, have healthy, accomplished kids, and a tight butt and perky boobs to boot. And it’s no easier for men. The demands of modern life make us feel like we’re supposed to enjoy being pulled in a million directions at the same time. And that we’re supposed to be as flexible as Gumby on muscle relaxers. But we’re only human.

What would happen if we gave ourselves a break?

First, it is vital that you identify the critical, catty, judgmental voice in your head as your very own Inner Critic. And I’ve got news for you: Your Inner Critic is a Big Fat Liar! She/he tells you Big Fat Lies to try to maintain the status quo and keep you in your comfort zones even if your comfort zones aren’t all that comfortable.

If you want to take control of your happiness, it’s time to take Your Inner Critic out of the driver’s seat.

Try the five tips below to ditch Your Inner Critic:

Tip One: Identify Your Inner Critic’s Top 10 List of places, situations, and environments where she/he likes to show up and criticize. Is it at work? Social events? In bed? Whenever you look in the mirror? Once you know what circumstances are likely to trigger Your Inner Critic, you can be better prepared to deal with that voice.

Tip Two: Draw, doodle or sketch a picture of Your Inner Critic. Is he pudgy with big glasses? Perfectly pressed in pink? A slob with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other? Don’t worry if you think you can’t draw. No one will ever see this but you, so go for it! Having a mental image of the voice that tortures you – particularly a funny image – can instantly take away some of Your Inner Critic’s power.

Tip Three: Get to know Your Inner Critic on a deeper level. Notice what makes him louder, and notice what diminishes her power. What happens if you just yell “Shut up!”? What if you just look her calmly in the eye and reassure her that everything is going to be all right? Maybe he needs a compliment every now and then? After all, Inner Critics need love too.

Tip Four: What are Your Inner Critic’s favorite Big Fat Lies about you? What does he/she say to you over and over? Is it, “You’re a Failure,” “You’re Unlovable,” or “You’re Not Enough?” Your Inner Critic will collect evidence to make the case that you’re not good enough, even twisting things around when necessary. Your Inner Critic will do everything possible to back up those favorite punishing, disappointing, sad stories about you and your worth, so it’s up to you to remember the good stuff about you, no matter how convincing she/he seems.

Tip Five: Do this powerfully simple three step process to see through Your Inner Critic’s Big Fat Lies:

• Step One: Ask yourself, “What is my Inner Mean Girl/Inner Critic saying?” Give voice to  the Big Fat Lies you are believing. Speak them – get them out of the darkness and into the light so they can be healed. Don’t hold back here . . . rant! Let it out!

• Step Two: Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, “What does my Inner Wisdom know?” Sink into the land of your Inner Wisdom’s Truth. This is the place that feels grounded. It feels like home. Really let the Truth wash all over you and disintegrate the Big Fat Lies. Ahhh . . . that feels better!

• Step Three: Lock in your Inner Wisdom’s Truth by repeating it (aloud if possible)   accompanied by a physical gesture that reinforces the message. My Inner Wisdom has me lightly touch my heart; I have one client who waves his hand as though he were testifying in church and another who touches her belly. This gesture becomes your touchstone, reminding you to step into Truth and feel better.

Shifting your focus to your Inner Wisdom will always bring you in line with your Truth and Compassion, and you will  always feel better. As you practice this process more and more, you’ll find your Inner Superstar coming to life.

Here’s the Truth: You are a Superstar.

And I know, because my Inner Wisdom told me so.

* * *

Join Amy Ahlers for the Exposing the Big Fat Lies Summit and Get The TRUE STORY About How To Quit Being Hard On Yourself & Start Being Happy! 21 World-Class Experts Disclose Their Secrets And Share Like You’ve Never Heard Them Before…Really! http://tinyurl.com/BigFatLiesSummit

AMY AHLERS, the Wake Up Call coach and cofounder of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School, is the author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar. Visit her online at http://www.wakeupcallcoaching.com/

* * *

Based on the book Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar © 2011 by Amy Ahlers. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA.

www.newworldlibrary.com or 800?972?6657 ext. 52.

In a previous entry, I mentioned that I’m making a few changes in my life. One of them involves a change of scenery. In other words, I’ll be moving soon – in fact in a just a couple weeks. I want to stay close to the places and people that I enjoy the most so I won’t be moving too far. Still yet, I enjoy putting myself in different situations, exploring new areas and learning along the way.

Throughout this process I’ve learned a few things that can help anyone on the move.

Donate, dispose, and de-clutter: The first thing I did before going on a packing frenzy is reorganize the possessions I already had. I followed what I like to call, the three D’s: de-clutter, donate, and dispose. It’s so easy to accumulate things without knowing how much we actually have, so it helps to have a “spring cleaning” no matter what season it is. If you haven’t actively used something, let’s say a piece of clothing or furniture, in the past 6 months or so, it might be time to let someone else use it. Donating items to your local Goodwill or Salvation Army can give others the benefit of using your gently used items. Not to mention, you can also get a tax deduction if you do itemized deductions when filing. If the item has completely lost quality or usage, it might just be time to say goodbye and dispose it. It will reduce the amount of time and things you will need to move from one place to another.

Coordinate: Coordinating logistics of the move was by far the topic that needed the most patience and planning. Moving will give you a chance to “start over” and make changes to the lifestyle you have.

Here are just a few things to consider once you know where you are going to live:

o How much advance notice will I have to give my current home? Is there any penalty for not giving enough notice?

o When will I be moving?

o Do I need to change my budget for the move?

o How much advance notice will you need to give a moving company or to my friends who help me move? (I would recommend planning this a month in advance, especially in the summertime.)

o How early can I move into the new place?

o Are there any pre-move-in procedures I need to go through at the new place?

o Have I informed all the necessary people about my move? (This can include your personal contacts, the utilities and amenities companies, the post office, etc.)

Something that helps me stay organized during this time is making lists – “to-do” lists for the current and future home and a “to buy” list for the next home. Luckily I have mostly everything needed to furnish a home, so the “to buy” list is short.

Take care: When you become so involved in taking care of everything for the move, it’s easy to forget about taking care of yourself. Don’t let the moving process be an excuse for you not to. Make small adjustments if you need to but don’t deviate too much from how you regularly take care of you. Also give yourself time away from the move. It can be a stressful process so make sure you share your time with your friends and continue to do the activities you enjoy. The moving process will eventually all come together.

Enjoy – You’ve reorganized your belongings, planned for your move and remembered to take care of yourself along the way. You’re settled in the new home now and the only thing left to do is: Enjoy your new home! It’s your place for new beginnings, new friendships and new memories.

As you might remember, my college roommate lives in the UK and is planning a visit to Texas to see her family. I am excited to give an update that they are officially coming!! They will be here NEXT WEEK and staying through the end of August! I haven’t seen Holly since her wedding, which of course means that I also haven’t met either of her sons.

A quick recap on the family: Dad: Chaplain to students, Mom: on maternity leave, Dylan: 2.5 year old, Coen: 4.5 month old.

So here’s where the request comes in…

I’d like to help them raise the cost of their flights before they return home to the UK at the end of August.

Because they are currently a single income family (and on a Chaplain’s income at that), I thought it would be great if the generous people the internetz (aka you) could help. The total for the flights alone was about £2500 which is apparently about $4,000 American dollars.

If you feel inclined to donate any amount (even $1) and/or spread the word by sharing this post via email, Facebook, Twitter, or any other form you see fit, they would be beyond grateful! The donation is done via paypal, so you don’t need to sign up for anything and there are no fees. You can go directly to the donation site here: http://uk2tx.chipin.com/flights-from-uk-to-texas or via the widget below.

"Dylan decided we should become an impromptu human train"

Just curious what are you currently reading? This question always gets a lot of answers on various social sites, particularly twitter. I’m not sure that I’ve ever asked it here.

I seem to always have a few books going at once. I am currently:

• listening to (yes I love audiobooks): Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage (same author as Eat, Pray, Love. I love that she reads her own books for the audio versions.)
• reading on the Kindle: Boyfriends, Burritos & an Ocean of Trouble (Real Life) – don’t judge, I got this for $0.99 and ended up reading it on the plane back from Seattle. It’s pure no-brainer silliness.
• also listening to (a chapter or so at a time): The M-Factor: How the Millennial Generation Is Rocking the Workplace

While we are talking books for all my Kindle book reading friends, Amazon* is having a HUGE sale right now (until July 27th), over 900 books under $4 http://amzn.to/r212M1

*yep those are my Amazon affiliate links, which goes right back into the Kindle book fund.

Everyday of your life is recorded to a
memory bank, like a movie. At the end of each day unconsciously (or not) each of us pick what parts to rewind and re-live, even if only for a moment.

Have you ever stopped to notice what “channel” you stop on to revisit the events, thoughts, emotions of your day?

Is it the “things I messed up at work” saga, perhaps “moments that made me laugh”, or maybe your channels are focused around people in your life. Does your boss get a part in the end of day recap, a loved one, how about a stranger, or maybe the absence of someone.

Just something to ponder.

Thanks to Crystal Light for sponsoring this post. To learn more about how Crystal Light can flavor your day with 30 refreshing flavors, visit http://www.facebook.com/crystallight.

It’s 12:36 am as I write this post. I am a third generation night owl. You may not believe that your sleeping habits are genetic, but I do, particularly after talking to my mother the other night on the phone at 3am.

At least once a month I see a post similar to this one from Lifehacker: Be More Productive by Waking Up Early (400 Facebook Likes) or Why You NEED To Get Up Earlier (And How To Do It!) (128 comments).

Every time I see these posts I experience one of two emotions: guilt (“oh I really should try to become a morning person”) or frustration. I decided however that I should just start a trend of “Night owls are productive too” posts.

When I was in college, I discovered my peak, most creative time, was 3am. So, I used to come home from class in the afternoon and give myself down time until about 7pm and then start on my work and create/design/accomplish until 3 or 4amish. This worked out well for me. My friends thought I was a little crazy but I got my work done, in an uninterrupted, very inspired fashion.

I spent my first year out of college trying to fight my natural sleep pattern. I attempted the wake up before work and go to the gym, to get energy “tricks”. I even tried waking up at the same time every day, even on Saturday when all I wanted to was sleep in. That didn’t work either. Once I felt like I did everything I knew to do, I decided I’d give the nightowl tendencies a chance again.

How could I be most productive, yet also live in “the real world” (as my dad calls it)?

I prioritize my work, fun, down time and me time and get what I need to get done during the day and also have my night time productivity marathons. Just as a morning person may wake up at 5am to read blogs (or the newspaper *gasp*) and drink their coffee, have alone time, watch a little TV all before their day starts. I do a lot of this in the evenings.

Since 7pm tonight I have:

• taken a shower, so that I won’t have to get up in the morning to wash my hair (*hate* blow dryers)
• joined a group skype chat/call with some awesome bloggers
• organized, responded to, and archived 150 emails in my work inbox
• moved a load of laundry to the dryer
• responded to a few blog related emails
• perused some of my long distance friend’s lives via Facebook
• written this blog post
• after I finish this post I will catch up on the blogs I wanted to read today

In Peter Shankman’s post, Why You NEED To Get Up Earlier (And How To Do It!), he says you need to get up earlier for 10 reasons (and I’ll also give you my counter thoughts in the parenthesis):

1. To Learn (I’ve done that this evening and do that almost every evening)
2. Have Alone Time (most evenings I spend at least an hour by myself, listening to music, writing blogs posts, reading on the kindle, etc.)
3. Watch the Sunrise: to get perspective on life (Peter got me on this one I don’t watch the sunrise, but I have watched many ‘a sunset)
4. To Show Up Early (I discovered once I gave up on being a morning person I had to get all my ducks in a row before going to bed. You’d be surprised how much quicker you can get ready if you have already decided what to wear and have your stuff ready for the day)
5. Eat Breakfast (ok I admit I fail at this on most days, but I do enjoy some evening tea time)
6. Exercise (this is something I opt to do in the mornings. For the first hour after I wake up my brain seems to need warm up time so I find working out is something I can do that doesn’t require a lot of creativity or brain power.)
7. Have an easier commute (I work from home, so this isn’t an issue for me)
8. Be a power player and a market maker by connecting with the big dogs at 7am. (I can’t even count the number of times I’ve connected with some pretty major folks online in the night owl hours. There are plenty of us who are around for some brainstorming late night. I’ve gotten some pretty brilliant emails this evening alone.)
9. Do something you never have time for (1:30am is just as quiet and uninterrupted at 5:30 am)
10. Change the World: be more productive, make more money, connect with more people (I do whole hearted agree with Peter than an extra 30 minutes a day can indeed change the world. But, I believe I can put my 30 minutes of productivity in from 11:30pm-midnight just as easily as he might from 6-6:30am)

I am 8 for 10 on Peter’s list, and likely would be on several of the you need to wake up early advice pieces. I’ve found allowing myself to be a night person I get more accomplished in a shorter amount of time, am able to relax, get at least a moment or two by myself, and wake up refreshed knowing I have a clean slate for the day.

In one of my bursts of evening productivity at the first of the year, I decided to browse around several of my favorite blogs to see what they were doing that I might have missed. In doing so, I found a couple of my blogger friends were representing brands, or doing product giveaways. I decided to look into the logistics of this. This post is my first as a result of that late night researching. I think it turned out well, what do you think?

So, the question of the hour is… are you more productive in the morning or at night? Do you think becoming a morning person makes you more productive?

Remember, visit http://www.facebook.com/crystallight to learn more about how Crystal Light can flavor your day with 30 refreshing flavors. I was selected and paid for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

Today is my mom’s birthday! And yes if you have been paying attention, our birthdays are in the same week. We are the 7-11 girls (of February that is).

I find there are numerous types of mother/daughter relationships. The relationship I have with my mom has always been very close, more of a friendship. I never knew her mother, but I’ve heard my mom say a few times – “I decided to do thing different because my mom did xyz.” One of those thing she did different was teach me about money and talk freely about relationship, careers, you name it. In fact I have a whole blog post on the best advice my mom has given me. What’s the best advice you’ve received from your mother?

When I was in college several of my friends told me, my mom was “cooler” than theirs. In fact I dated a guy for a minute who said my mom was cooler than me. Which is likely true, seeing as it’s midnight on a Thursday night and I’m home blogging while she’s Country Dancing with some friends. We talk daily. We are similar in some ways and opposites in others. She still doesn’t get what I do for a living other than “text” to people on the computer/phone. She is borderline OCD in how clean she is and well, I’m currently waiting on the dishes fairy to visit. She organized my sock drawer once when I was in college. I seem to have followed in her footsteps when I was speaking in conferences.

I know that my mom is “proud as a peacock” of me. She tells me, and her entire email list quite frequently. So I though today might be a good day to brag on her. For those of you who know her feel free to add on.

Fabulous things about my mother:

• She has more energy than any 5 year old.
• She eats right and exercises almost daily.
• She has not one, but two PhDs.
• She has written 3 books and is currently working on her 4th.
• She is a 15 year cancer survivor.
• She has studied many world religions.
• I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know the meaning of the word procrastination. If you don’t want to get something done immediately then don’t tell her. In her words she’s “not a suzy sit by the fire”.
• She loves music and dancing. It is not uncommon for her to start dancing if a good song comes on in a restaurant.
• She has read 70 bajillion books and consequently has a vast collection of sayings, wisdoms, quotes on every topic. Her friends call this little quips “Elexisisms”. She usually signs her emails with them.

And so I’ll leave you with one of my mom’s favorite sayings “Your good is rushing to you NOW!!”