GenPink

I’ve had a number of responses to the quest for guest bloggers for my weekly Twenty Something Advice series.

This guest post was written by a 20SB who blogs at Nothing to Show But This Brand New Tattoo

I’m a middle aged woman trapped in a twenty-seven year olds body. I go
to bed around 10pm each night and wake up throughout the night with
to-do lists running through my head. I work in a fast paced office
managing large projects for public safety agencies throughout the
southeast. I actively participate in several civic organizations and
co-chair a youth organization for young women. I am a mother, wife,
sister, daughter, and friend.

Seven years ago, my life didn’t seem to be destined for this path.
At twenty years old I imagined myself going to college, marrying a
rich man, and having a house full of babies…sometime around 35. I
further imagined myself enjoying every minute of my twenties as though
I was on a decade long series of an MTV Spring Break show.
My best friend’s and I enjoyed night after night of parties, clubs,
alcohol and boyfriends. We were never going to be old married women
before sowing our proverbial oats. I learned quickly - "never say
never".

Two years into my twenties I found myself unmarried and pregnant. I
tossed around the options before me for what seemed like forever. I
wasn’t open to abortion. I’ll forever take a pro-life stance for
myself, and pro-choice for all other women. I had recently witnessed
my very best friend give her first born up for adoption 10 months
prior to my son’s birth. I knew this wasn’t an option for me. I
vaguely remember considering a "shot-gun" wedding however, that idea
was tossed aside very quickly.

Four months after my son was born, he passed away while I was at work.
At twenty-two years old I was a grieving mother.

"If you had the foresight to know how the end would be, would you
have changed your mind?"

My friend J. was twenty-one years old when she found out she was
pregnant. She did not have the means to offer a child the life they
honestly deserve. She was 22 by the time the adoption papers were
signed. The court order said she was to receive pictures and letters
of her son until he was five years old. She received the first
birthday photo and never heard another word from the adoptive parents.
Now she occasionally cry’s herself to sleep over the boy she’ll never
know.

"If you knew how it would turn out, would you have changed your mind?"

My friend C. was a 25 year old college graduate working in a
successful law firm three years ago. She was offered a position for a
small software company that seemed like a dream come true. The hours,
benefits, and salary were exactly what she was looking for. She took
the position and instantly made lasting relationships with her
co-workers. Six months into her employment, she was laid off. Suddenly
her world was filled with anxiety and stress. The exact reasons she
wanted out of the law firm.

"If you knew what would happen, would you have taken the chance?"

Each of us will spend most of our twenties trying to figure out this
thing called "Life". Choices, options and decisions will be thrown at
us. Mistakes, misfortune, and horrible outcomes will likely result
from even the best laid plans. The idea isn’t to duck or dodge the
choices. Indecision is worse than the wrong decision.

My advice to all twenty-something’s is simple – Think long and hard
about all of life’s options. Second guess yourself, always. In the
end, once you have come to a final decision – Have no regrets.

I think this is great advice for people of all ages. Often times we spend more time beating ourselves up over a decision than we do making the decision up front. I’m reminded of the cliche "what’s done is done." Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with us.

I would say that one of my biggest lessons in my twenties has been that the cliche "age is just a number" is all a game of perception. Your age can be a limitation if you allow it. I find that sometimes I fall into the false perceptions of society that I need to earn my keep and work my way up for a while because right now I am "too young" to be the top dog. Other times though, I am reminded that our generation is full of fresh and new ideas and there are already so many of us making a big name for ourselves. I may have the occasional limiting thought about age but I know that my age has nothing to do with what I can accomplish with my life.

This guest post was written by Nathan Snell an entrepreneurship & business development major about to graduate from the University of North Carolina in Wilmington, a fitting degree for a Gen-Yer who started doing consultant work at age 11.

"This is the last e-mail I will send," I thought, still debating whether I should make that final *click*, sending an e-mail to one of the most well known Radio Talk Show hosts in San Francisco, CA. I was 11, and Cynthia Oti had made an announcement on her show that she needed someone to create a website for her. Despite the jokes of my friends and the hesitant encouragement from my parents, I decided I was going to create Cynthia’s website. I found out the hard way that for an 11 year old, that would be a difficult decision to live with.

I’m sure we’ve all had a situation where we have the desire to challenge the odds. Not in a flippant way, but in a completely legitimate way. At first we are excited about our new found desire, this passion. We attack adversity to our passion head-on… for a while, at least. Then, for most of us, the criticism is too much as people tell us "You’ll never get there," "you’re wasting your time," or "you’re too young," and we give up.

I hate to think of the times I’ve given up because those are all false, but most of all, "you’re too young" is false.

Being too young should never be an excuse for us to quit pursuing our desire to go against the odds, to do something incredible. With the struggle I have faced when I have gone against the odds, it makes me sad that age was ever a factor put into my mind, or anyone else’s. Doing something incredible is simply something that "too young" will never apply to.

With Cynthia, it turned out the last e-mail I would send was what it would take. The next time I spoke to her was in her office on the top floor of the Bank of America building in San Francisco.

I’d love to hear what kind of incredible things you all want to do either now, or in the future, so I can know what to expect!

Nathan, I think if you can put together a website at 11 I should never let myself think that maybe this business doesn’t want "some 26 year old" to develop their online branding.

This series has been written about the ABCs of life in your twenties. And many great people have contributed and provided great insight to what life for a twenty-something is like these days. What I have not pointed out much though (this may go without saying), is that I am always talking about the twentysomethings of today. Our generation of twentysomethings is so different than those before us. Gen Y is all over the media and the blogosphere because of the difference we are making in the work force and in the world. My mother was a twentysomething in the sex, drugs, and rock and roll era, she was certainly not concerned about work/life balance.

Our generation has a continual struggle between balance and being completely overwhelmed because we are taking on too many things. Through all of these struggles of trying to be the best we sometimes stretch ourselves too thing and end up with little pieces of too many things. This is why I asked Lisa to write about going to extremes. I do not know Lisa personally but we communicate via the internet world fairly frequently. I know that Lisa is an athlete (actually a triathlete), and I know that being great at any sort of sport requires dedication and determination as well as a strong focus. Aside from her marathoning, I have seen Lisa’s sense of dedication through the 20 something bloggers network. So, I could think of no one better to present us with today’s lesson of taking life to the extreme.

This guest post was written by Lisa, a 3rd year engineering student in Canada, founder of 20sb, who blogs regularly at I Don’t Think It’s Going to Rain.

Yeah, yeah, I know: balance.

As 20 somethings we time-manage our way through life. We budget. We rationalize. We compromise.

That’s all fine and dandy. They say the species that are most likely to survive are those that are mediocre. Those that are most average. So sure, if your goal is purely survival, then find that balance and be mediocre.

"We must overcome the notion that we must be regular…it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary and leads you to the mediocre." –Uta Hagen

I think we’re continually held back from being exceptional due to a self inflicted sense of obligation to participate in everything.

We can peel off our socks and dip our toes in a hundred different pools of water… or we can choose a pool, sprint towards it, stumbling as we rip off our clothes, and cannon-ball in with a huge splash.

When is the last time you totally shirked a silly obligation to instead just GO FOR IT. (’It’ being your dream)

Try it. Think of any commitment you currently have and say "Whatever" to it.
Whatev.
‘Tev
Whatevskies.

Think irrationally as an exercise.

Wouldn’t finishing a marathon feel great? Doesn’t eating only pizza and diet Coke for 2 weeks while you cram hardcore for exams make for the best stories? Wouldn’t digging wells in Africa for three years be sort of the most fun thing you can think of? Isn’t following through on a dare to watch an entire season of 24 in 24 hours sort of exhilarating?

I seriously doubt that your favorite Olympian skips practice every so often so that they don’t feel like they let a friend down by missing her pre-baby-shower shower. And that CEO and founder of that starting-to-become-successful startup surely cares more about getting this company off the ground than she does about unwinding by spending 2 hours in the kitchen honing her honey baked ham recipe.

I’m not suggesting that you abandon your friends and intentionally lead a stressful life. I’m merely proposing that we COMMIT. That we STICK TO IT.

Find something that you are desperately passionate about and go to whatever extremes you can for it. Chase the adrenaline rush.

Stop caring about things you don’t actually care about. There’s time enough for everything else later.

"There’ll be time enough for sleeping when we’re dead
You will have a velvet pillow for your head
But tonight I think I’d rather just go dancing
There’ll be time enough for sleeping when we’re dead, my love"
-Time Enough for Rocking When We’re Old, by the Magnetic Fields

Why do we put such pressure on ourselves to be everything? Small doses of everything. Just enough to be mediocre in all areas of our life.

I vote that "all things in moderation" is a load of crap.

Be something to the extreme. Be it as hard as you can. Go. Do. Be!

"Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy shit … what a ride!" –Anonymous

If I were to do something extreme, outrageous it would be to pursue singing as a career. At the moment I’m still to practical for that, but that is a dream of mine. What is your extreme?

When I first started GenPink my first goal for myself was to find some fellow twenty something, non-mommy, female bloggers. The first person I found that fit this description was Zandria. I found her blog via BlogHer. I was immediately intrigued by her 101 Things in 1001 Days List (I still plan on doing this). Over the past year I have kept up with her blog and have since found a huge network of other twentysomethings as well. I knew that since Zandria was my first internet blogging buddy that I definitely wanted her to guest write this series commemorating my first year.

This guest post was written by Zandria, a contributing editor of BlogHer and expert twentysomething blogger.

When I started writing my blog over five years ago – at the age of 22 – I was in the midst of a full-blown quarterlife crisis. I was taking college classes but I didn’t know what in the world I wanted to do; I was working in a call center (a job that I hated, but I made decent money); I was just beginning to feel normal again after having major surgery on my back the previous year to correct scoliosis (a procedure that left me with permanent steel rods attached to my spine); and to top it off – due to all the stress, the worry, to my feeling of powerlessness – I’d lost thirty pounds due to restricting my food intake.

That’s the state I was in when I started blogging. I was officially a mess.

The reason I started writing online was because I’d decided to take a semester off from college. I was leaving my home in Virginia to spend a few months with my aunt and uncle in southern California, and I wanted a way for family and friends to easily keep up with what I was doing while I was gone.

I was granted a leave of absence from my job, I drove cross-country by myself, and I stayed in California long enough to get my head together – at least “together” enough to feel ready to go back to Virginia and resume college classes the next semester. I completed my last two years of school, and I spent one of those four semesters in a study-abroad program in Amsterdam.

My quarterlife crisis? It was all about searching. I spent many hours on the internet, looking at career options, reading about people who had made big, life-changing decisions. I wanted to know how and why they ended up where they did.

I didn’t know WHERE I wanted to be, or WHO I wanted to be. I thought if I discovered the answer to at least one of those questions (but preferably both), I’d be well on my way to being happy. That’s what I would say to myself, and to other people, all the time: “I just want to be happy. I’ll move wherever I need to move, I’ll do whatever I need to do, as long as I’m happy.”

Throughout my mid-twenties, I remained in crisis mode – just not to same extent. I was able to regain some of the weight I’d lost. I returned to California after I graduated from college and ended up staying for a year. Then I moved to the metropolitan DC area in the fall of 2006, which is where I still am today.

Last summer, not long after my 27th birthday, I said that I had survived my quarterlife crisis. What had changed? How did I reach that conclusion? It’s because – although I still don’t know what I want to do with my life – I’ve reached a level of acceptance. My job isn’t perfect, but I work for a nonprofit that has a great mission, and with co-workers who believe in making a difference. I don’t live in a fancy house, but I do live in a safe, fun area, with a roommate that I like. I’m no longer stick-thin (thank God), but now I work out on a regular basis and I’m more comfortable with my body than I’ve ever been in my life.

Having accepted my life doesn’t mean I’m 100% content with where I am, but that’s okay. I’m growing, I’m adapting, I’m changing, and I’m keeping my eyes (and options) open. In the meantime, I’m not settling. I’m living.

bal·ance
–noun
1. a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.
2. the power or ability to decide an outcome by throwing one’s strength, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.

First I will start with saying I’ve had fun picking each letter for my ABCs project, some words have come very easy and some were a bit of struggle. Balance was one of the first words I picked to describe life as a twentysomething. Balance is something that we struggle with on a daily basis.

When I began thinking of who I wanted to write this post, I knew I wanted someone who could provide some wisdom on the topic. We all know the problem: we are trying to juggle too many things. I wanted someone who could shed some light on the subject for us. I immediately thought of Tiffany Monhollon. I’ve been a follower of her thought provoking blog Little Red Suit for quite some time. She is also a contributing author on several other sites, including the newly launched Brazen Careerist.

Balance means different things to different people. Some devote their careers to it. Others say it’s a myth. Most just want it, whether or not they think it’s really real. We talk about it a lot - different ideas on how to achieve it in our work, how to make it better in our lives. We talk about balance between work and home. Balance in our finances. Balance in our commitments. Balance in media coverage. Balance in politics. Balance. So it helps to know: what does balance look like?

Balance basically boils down to two things: omission and commission. What we choose to do and what we choose not to do. And both are important. Equally.

Tonight, for me, this is what balance looked like: watching a Barbara Walters special about the royal family, cuddled under a blanket with my fiance by my side and my laptop casually at hand. Instead of worrying about the floor of the bathroom that flooded the other day (fans are in place, I’ve done all I can for now). Instead of starting to address the hundreds of wedding invitations that came in today and need to go out in a week. It means calling my friend back to chat. It means not obsessing over my blog for one night. And going to bed before midnight.

It means not worrying that there’s no five-step formula for living a balanced life, even though if there were, I would have a lot easier time writing this post.

The truth is, I have a pretty typically busy twentysomething life: I don’t exactly have balance down yet. The best I get some days is go, go, go, crash. Sometimes, that’s the best I can approximate balance. But hey, I’m trying. And I think that’s the key to balance. Working at it.

So tonight, balance is about writing a short post instead of a long one. Smiling in the grocery line, no matter how long it was. Spending time on relationships. Giving myself time to do all the things in the few hours after work that make my life worth working for. Living my life. Being present in it.

Give yourself permission to find your balance. And then look for it. Wherever in the wild blue that takes you.

Balance for me is about not always taking the whole world on, learning to delegate and prioritize "must do" over "kinda want to do" items. Stopping to play a silly song when I get too stressed and taking time to just say hey to the people in my life. How do you achieve balance in your life?