“Forget all the reasons why it won’t work. and believe the one reason why it will.” – unknown
Have you ever noticed that the majority of the world, especially women, see things (pictures, quotes, songs, movies) through a filter of the current mood, emotion or even phase in life. I saw the movie No Strings Attached on Monday night and I very much saw it through colored glasses that have a “I’m in a relationship” filter. I don’t want to spoil the movie since it’s pretty new, but I know my perception was different than the single females sitting in the theater with me.
Several years ago, I remember I saw Sex & the City The Movie with several of my girlfriends. I was fresh out of a long-term failed relationship so I hated, no I HATED, the movie. I walked away saying “ok I see, so if you want to be happy you MUST get back together with the person you broke up with.” My married friend heard a completely different message of “you do whatever it takes to make a relationship work” and she quite enjoyed the movie. She was relating to Miranda while I was relating to Carrie. Only, because of my current phase in life I didn’t like that Carrie ended up in the end in the “on again off again” relationship.
So, the question is, what do you do when you catch yourself assessing something through a strong filter? Whether that be the newly single, overly in-love, or happy to be single colored lens. The I love my job, unemployed, hate my job, or am scared of losing my job filter.
Do you see the quote in the first picture above as inspiring or cheesy? Obvious or annoying? A reason to smile or a reason to cry? Does is change if you know the author intended that quote to be about relationships? How about if it was about your career?
Reading that quote, with that particular picture, makes me think neither of relationships nor careers. To me, that quote/picture takes me back to an 18 year old girl fresh from a small town in Texas, desperate to get out and spread her wings in the UK. To me, it reminds me of all the obstacles that stood in my way of getting to England, and the fact that the one thing that got me there was sheer determination and will! But that is coming from the lens of a now 28 year old Texan, married to a Brit, living in England rocking her newborn son whilst the other naps upstairs, both of which will have dual UK/US citizenships, Perhaps my lens at the moment is one of amazement of how I got to be where I am today. It wasn’t about relationships for me, perhaps because the relationship I happen to be in is…shall we say, secure? It isn’t a question of whether it will work…it does work, it has been working, and is working! It wasn’t about my career, because at the moment my career is on hold while I focus on raising two little creatures to be sensible somewhat grown ups, when my career will then resume. So my lovely Elysa, how times have changed!! My lens seems to be a completely different color (colour?) than it once was. :)
Perhaps we should all go by Edith Piaf’s song, La Vie En Rose, and see life through rose colored spectacles? That seems like a nice way to go about it. :) But do we have a choice in the matter?
Hahahaha, oh boy. I *so* hear you. In fact, someone just sent me a message on Twitter saying “I understand you make a living writing about being single, but does that mean we married people can’t answer your questions?” (I replied kindly, not saying what I wanted to of “Your advice to my plea to Cupid to help me find someone to be with of ‘My wife landed me by cooking’ is not only condescending but completely unwarranted because I am just barely beyond the ‘I burn toast’ phase of my cooking odyssey”)
But it stopped me short…does everyone assume that when I write about anything to do with relationships I’m writing as that single girl? Are they seeing my opinions through the tint or am I?
I’m not explaining myself well. Do we see everything through a lens. Or do others impose that lens on our perception?
There…that might be a tiny smidge better?
time and geography most certainly change the color of our lenses. I’m currently perturbed by “this annoying winter” which of course is quite mild compared to your side of the world. And even my tired is not the same as a sleepless mom with 2 little ones (one being less than 2 weeks old).
I do think we have a choice in the matter to a degree. If we notice we are overly tired or stressed and are taking things personally than we can opt to re-look at the perception. But everyone’s individual priorities of course make a different in the lenses we have, whether or not we choose them.
PS: I’m sure your husband have told you we have randomly been tweeting late night/early morning while he’s been up with your new addition to the family.
Are they seeing my opinions through the tint or am I? excellent question. I say a little of both. Sometimes people don’t mean to put that single girl cap on you or perhaps they don’t realize it. Other times it’s very intentional. I had a friend once ask how my weekend was when I was single, I told her “stay home and netfllixed it all weekend”, her response was something to the effect of “well one day you’ll have someone to do that with and let me tell you it’s great.” eerr I think that could go on the website STFU Marrieds.
AND sometimes they weren’t doing that at all but that’s what we thought/saw in what they said to us.
At this moment in my life, suffering from a tiny bit of nostalgic heartbreak, I see the quote as naive and cheesy but also full of hope and hope is one thing I keep close to my heart at all times. In other words, its complicated. You can have layered filters where instead of feeling green your really blue + yellow. That’s me right now.
I like this filter concept because seeing these emotions as filters implies that you can change your filter’s setting instead of just sulking in them. When I am assessing something through a strong filter the very first thing I do is make sure that I have eaten and I am not dehydrated. Then I try to ride out my emotions by writing on paper… Sort of like getting the junk out of my brain.
Whatever is really bothering me soon reveals itself to me through my pen strokes. Its sort of like my subconscious is talking to my conscious. Very trippy. I learned this method from a book that I thought was rather silly at the time, Write it down, Make it happen. This one exercise really works for me at the moment so I stick with it.