If you can’t say something nice…

We’ve all heard it, probably from our mothers… “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” This statement seems to be haunting me lately. I’ve been analyzing whether or not this statement is true for those of us who blog, or speak in public, or write books.

Thanks for being nice by mel829

So here’s my question — if you have a public voice (in any platform) do you live by the rules of if you can’t say something nice OR do you owe it to the public, your audience, someone who could be effected by your comments, to speak the truth? Maybe the answer depends on the situation.

Let’s try a few out to see if you come up with a different answer:
What if you read a book you don’t like? Do you still write a public review which you were planning on doing? What if that book was given to you for free with the intention of reviewing it?
What if you don’t like your job?
What if you like your job but really have an issue with a coworker?
What if that person is your boss? Is the answer different if it’s a previous employer?
What if you are getting married and you don’t like your mother in law to be?
What if your roommate drives you crazy?
How about one of your close friends?
Does this answer change if you know this person does not read your blog?
What about a restaurant? What if you normally like it and have a bad experience?
What about a movie or an actor?
What if a friend has an ill behaved child?
What if someone has a drinking problem? Does you opinion change if that person has children?

Are there different answers depending on the impact of the thing you have an issue with?
Maybe you’d be okay writing a bad review about a restaurant online but won’t write something about people.
Or iPhone apps you dislike are okay to publicize but you chalk-up your dislike for a restaurant as personal taste and don’t publicize this.
Or it’s okay to air your grievances with your soon to be mother in law but not your boss because that could cost you your job (*and perhaps you justify this by saying the MIL doesn’t like you either).

So there are my questions, what are your answers?

3 thoughts on “If you can’t say something nice…

  1. I would say speak your mind. True, your post could effect someone else, but that's how things improve. A little constructive criticism doesn't hurt.

    I have also found that when you take a stand and voice your opinion that counters the majority it sparks debate and conversation. I have seen blogs that voice strong negative opinions get a huge response and tons of comments.

    Isn't that what we want…engagement?

  2. Interesting questions, and things I weigh all the time as a blogger. I'm more likely to voice my honest opinions more freely in person to my friends, but I'm a little more calculated about what I post online. I was recently asked to review something online, and I watched it, didn't like it, and politely told the requester that I didn't feel honest about promoting it to my readers. I won't go out of my way to badmouth someone, but if asked, I'll be honest about things.

    Awesome food for thought though in terms of how we choose to present ourselves.

  3. I'm not sure being nice really means not criticizing.

    Picture this:
    Your sibling asks you what you think of the shoes they're wearing. You don't care for them at all. Is your mom going to want you to ignore another piece of advice she gave you (never lie) and compliment them even if you find them distasteful?
    Probably not, but you can say, “those aren't my favorite shoes ever”. Are you being not nice by honestly responding with your lack of enthusiasm?

    Things are imperfect, and there are lots of places where a it's fine to say so. You just don't have to say it harshly.

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