I heard something on Oprah that made STOP, say “hold up” to myself, hit rewird on the DVR and watch it again.
“When a man says no in this culture, it’s the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it’s the beginning of a negotiation.” - Gavin De Becker (author of The Gift of Fear) - as seen on Oprah’s episode Trusting Your Intuition.
Are we really still in a day and age where this is the case? I’d like to hope that we aren’t. I wonder if this is a generational thing. I’d like to say that I completely disagree with this 1950esque statement but sadly I cannot. This statement really does nothing more for me than make me want to ask questions. Will this off balance ever be different? Can it be seen as a positive instead of a negative idea?
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Comments ( 7 )
holywriter added these pithy words on Feb 06 08 at 1:42 amI don’t know what type of women “Gavin” hangs with, but when a woman tells me no, it usually means no.
…wait, that sounds bad. I’m talking about discussions, not forced sex.
…damn it that still sounds bad. I give up, but you know what I mean.
Tina Vaziri added these pithy words on Feb 06 08 at 8:44 amI see that at work. It’s really sad and disgusting. I’d like to think it’s not as bad in some places as others.. but I’m not sure.
Olivia added these pithy words on Feb 06 08 at 9:19 amumm i think it is probably still true in a lot of cases, unfortunately. probably less so than it used to be, though.
the quote from that episode that i found most powerful and so true was the one about how men’s worst fear is that women will laugh at them — and women’s worst fear is that men will kill them.
Therapeutic Ramblings added these pithy words on Feb 07 08 at 3:04 pmIf a woman doesn’t value her own opinion, others won’t either. People take cues from others, so I think it is important to look at what kinds of cues are given in these situations.
Therapeutic Ramblings added these pithy words on Feb 07 08 at 6:16 pmbtw…I decided to blog on this topic, as I wanted to write more. If you get a chance, I’d love your feedback.
When "No" Means "Maybe" and Body Language Is King
Tanja added these pithy words on Feb 09 08 at 2:50 pmwow is all I have to say. I think even in 2008 there are still male and female stereotypes for a reason….and definitely just like everything, a negative can be turned into a positive.
Nathan Snell added these pithy words on Feb 12 08 at 11:05 pmI think it’s unfortunate when situations like that still occur, but I would say from my own work experience that it matters more on how you carry yourself than on your gender. If you have a strong personality, presence, and carry yourself well, regardless of your gender- no will mean no. I have seen men in meetings say no, and they get a negotiation. I’ve seen women in meetings say no, and it’s final.
I would wonder if the harsher situation in this case isn’t so much “when no means no” but “what it means when no means no”. As in, if a women says no and it’s taken as no, is she considered a ‘wear the pants’ kind of woman, etc?
It’s sad to think these are all still issues in play.
