Twenty Something Advice: Always Second Guess but Never Regret

I’ve had a number of responses to the quest for guest bloggers for my weekly Twenty Something Advice series.

Twenty Something Advice: Always Second Guess but Never Regret. See full post for thoughts on adoption, unplanned pregnancy, unemployment, and grieving.

This guest post was written by a 20SB who blogs at Nothing to Show But This Brand New Tattoo

* * * *

I'm a middle aged woman trapped in a twenty-seven year olds body. I go to bed around 10pm each night and wake up throughout the night with to-do lists running through my head.

I’m a middle aged woman trapped in a twenty-seven year olds body. I go to bed around 10pm each night and wake up throughout the night with to-do lists running through my head. I work in a fast paced office managing large projects for public safety agencies throughout the southeast. I actively participate in several civic organizations and co-chair a youth organization for young women. I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend.

Seven years ago, my life didn’t seem to be destined for this path. At twenty years old I imagined myself going to college, marrying a rich man, and having a house full of babies…sometime around 35. I further imagined myself enjoying every minute of my twenties as though I was on a decade long series of an MTV Spring Break show. My best friend’s and I enjoyed night after night of parties, clubs, alcohol and boyfriends. We were never going to be old married women before sowing our proverbial oats. I learned quickly – “never say never“.

Two years into my twenties I found myself unmarried and pregnant. I tossed around the options before me for what seemed like forever. I wasn’t open to abortion. I’ll forever take a pro-life stance for myself, and pro-choice for all other women. I had recently witnessed my very best friend give her first born up for adoption 10 months prior to my son’s birth. I knew this wasn’t an option for me. I vaguely remember considering a “shot-gun” wedding however, that idea was tossed aside very quickly.

Four months after my son was born, he passed away while I was at work. At twenty-two years old I was a grieving mother.

"If you had the foresight to know how the end would be, would you have changed your mind?"

“If you had the foresight to know how the end would be, would you have changed your mind?”

My friend J. was twenty-one years old when she found out she was pregnant. She did not have the means to offer a child the life they honestly deserve. She was 22 by the time the adoption papers were signed. The court order said she was to receive pictures and letters of her son until he was five years old. She received the first birthday photo and never heard another word from the adoptive parents. Now she occasionally cries herself to sleep over the boy she’ll never know.

“If you knew how it would turn out, would you have changed your mind?”

My friend C. was a 25 year old college graduate working in a successful law firm three years ago. She was offered a position for a small software company that seemed like a dream come true. The hours, benefits, and salary were exactly what she was looking for. She took the position and instantly made lasting relationships with her co-workers. Six months into her employment, she was laid off. Suddenly her world was filled with anxiety and stress. The exact reasons she wanted out of the law firm.

“If you knew what would happen, would you have taken the chance?”

Each of us will spend most of our twenties trying to figure out this thing called “Life”. Choices, options and decisions will be thrown at us. Mistakes, misfortune, and horrible outcomes will likely result from even the best laid plans. The idea isn’t to duck or dodge the choices. Indecision is worse than the wrong decision.

Indecision is worse than the wrong decision.

My advice to all twenty-something’s is simple – Think long and hard about all of life’s options. Second guess yourself, always. In the end, once you have come to a final decision – Have no regrets.

* * * *

I think this is great advice for people of all ages. Often times we spend more time beating ourselves up over a decision than we do making the decision up front. I’m reminded of the cliche “what’s done is done.” Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with us.

Ozone Socks Sock of the Month Club
Posted on in , , , , in , , , ,

About Chrissy

I'm clumsy, artistic, easily amused and mildly-obsessive. View all posts by Chrissy →

6 comments
Dorie
Dorie

My husband was the first one to really get this advise to sink into my head. My parents would always tell me that hindsight is 20/20 but I've come to realize that isn't 20/20 until you can look back on where you have been and be grateful for where you are now. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Lys
Lys

Wow - this was an amazing post. Looking back at my past, I would have changed very little because it turned me into the person I am now - the girl who will stop wondering "what if" and now "just does it!" Life is too short for anyone to be sitting on the sidelines.

Lauren
Lauren

I love this advice. I look back on decisions I've made and I've stopped referring to some as mistakes. We can't change our past, we have to beat on and learn from it. Sure things might not have turned out as we wished, but this is what we have to deal with. And i'm okay knowing that.

Janet
Janet

Wow, that is so perfect for me. Looking back, I have many regrets. Had I known their outcomes, I would have changed pretty much every major decision I've made since high school (I'm 27), even though I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. But I need to stop regretting, because I did the best I could. Thanks for the post, it's helped a lot.

michelle and the city
michelle and the city

wow, i'm sorry you had to go thru something like that at such a young age. but you're right, life isn't easy and the decisions we make should be thoroughly considered before jumping off any bridges.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Twenty Something Advice: Always Second Guess but Never Regret While I disagree with the advice to “Second guess yourself, always“, this post touches on that biggest of questions – ‘What If?’ [...]