Why aren’t you happy, darn it?

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This guest post was written by Rebecca Thorman, one of the first female Gen Y bloggers I “met” online. Many of you may know of Rebecca from her previous blog Modite, what you might not know is that Rebecca launched a new blog… Kontrary picks up where the rest of the web left off.

Ah, happiness. It’s so elusive, right? My guess is that you spend the great majority of your time online reading and browsing aimlessly, seeking that secret to happiness, that thing that will make you motivated and feel happy for the rest of the day, maybe the rest of the week if you’re lucky.

In fact, it seems that everything is “how to be rich, be happy, quit your day job, have sex every day and live well” and in these five buckets (happiness, money, work, life, relationships), we’re seeing people repeat the same things over and over to the point where there is no value anymore.

Seriously, how many times can you read about how to be creative or how to execute your idea? You probably would be great at doing what you love, but you are too afraid to do so because we’re stuck in society’s delusion – that is, what we really want to do we’re afraid won’t be acceptable in society or are told to stay in whatever place society has created for us (particularly true for women).

There’s nothing stopping anyone from doing what they want and living their highest values except most people try to live in other people’s values instead of their own, or they expect other people to live inside their values instead of recognizing they have their own as well.

Le sigh. I’d like to suggest two solutions:

1) Recognize that happiness is not the end goal, but that you are always feeling happiness, and you are always feeling pain, in every moment. Struggle isn’t something to overcome then, but just is. Some days things will go your way, and some days they won’t. Accept it and find a balance.

2) Dive deeper. Happiness is not the be all and end all. There’s a whole lot more going on in the world like energy innovations, media, healthcare, philosophy, the sharing economy, technology, fashion, the food industry, political history. So, maybe stop reading so much about the processes of ideas, and start reading about actual ideas.

My guess is that by avoiding your pursuit of happiness for awhile, you’ll find more of it than you thought possible.

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About Rebecca Thorman

Rebecca Thorman writes about the actual ideas evolving our digital lives at Kontrary, which picks up where the rest of the web left off. I question innovation, media, gender and more through the screens of technology. View all posts by Rebecca Thorman →

3 comments
MaddieA
MaddieA

This was very interesting for someone like me who is constancy wishing I was happier or even happy in general. This was good for people that need that extra boost of happiness.

Quarterlifelady
Quarterlifelady

There's a fortune I got in a fortune cookie once that I took a picture of with my phone. I look at it at times to remind me to chill the eff out. It says: "Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." I like that.

Rebecca Thorman
Rebecca Thorman

Nice. I like that too. It's interesting how much emphasis we put on the process rather than just being. I've been meditating lately and that helps a bit with perspective as well :)