Thursday marks the continuation of the guest post series on Twenty Something Advice. Today’s guest post is written by Blonde Features, a 23 year old just trying to figure out life. She says she is “trying not to lose my tan, the beach, and my blonde hair in Washington.”
Love in your 20’s can be a very confusing thing. My best friend has just gone through an awful break up. At 22, she spent 5 years (all of college) with her boyfriend and the most important advice I feel that I have given her and what I would tell every 20 something is: The most important thing you can do for yourself is to spend time learning about who you are as an independent person and be comfortable being single.
I am a loving person, I love being in a relationships, but after being in one relationship for 3 years and another for 2 years I made it a point to be on my own. I found it extremely challenging and lonely but after spending two years single I learned how important it is to value yourself as an independent adult. This is the time in our lives to ask ourselves, “What do I want out of life? What do I want to accomplish before I die? How do I want the world to look at me? What is important to me?”. These are difficult to answer alone and more so when you have someone who is always around. How can you expect to be introspective when you are in a relationship and always thinking about someone else?
I have been in love twice, I have been single and I know that I have met “the ONE.” It wasn’t easy but I learned a lot in the process. I met him freshmen year of college. I was only 18. We dated for two years and I struggled in college trying to balance him, while trying to flourish in a new environment where I was on my own for the first time and I couldn’t have both. We broke up and I transferred schools, needing space to grow. And I did grow. While I missed him every day of the next two years when we were apart, I did a lot of growing up. I was single, I met new people, I met new friends, I learned about being lonely, being alone, and finally being happy and being alone. I kept him in a corner of my mind every day but not having him to lean on, caused me to venture out, do more things, pursue the things I love. I don’t believe it is impossible to accomplish these things when you are in a relationship, but I believe for me, I needed to spend that time alone, to force myself to get out there because I couldn’t just stay home and watch a movie alone on a Friday night and not feel lonely. I had to go to that party where that nice girl from my class had invited me to, I took up surfing so I didn’t spend Saturday afternoons always studying, I got a job and really pursued my interests of event planning. Those are the most important things I learned being single and I would never take any of that back.
My story ends happily every after. At the end of senior year in college, after two years of complete silence between “The One” and I, I finally cracked the ice. I was ready for him and for what he meant to me and my life. I sent him a note for his birthday, just a token that even after 2 years I was still thinking of him. He responded with the love letter I always hoped would be there when I was ready. The one where he told me he missed me everyday, his life was not complete without me, and that I was his “One.” We have been back together for 2 years since that heart-stopping moment. But I know things would never have worked if I had let my love swallow my independence and that is what I would hope for every 20 year old. Be Independent, Take “Me” time now before “Family” time takes over later in life. Learn to Make Yourself Smile Before You Try to Make Someone Else Smile!
Hope that helps!! I still struggle with being 20something everyday, but I hope what I learned will help someone else! Good Luck!
I love having this series being primarily guest posts because I love getting other 20somethings views on life, life and the whole crazy thing. Though I did my single, independent time in a different order than blonde features I completely agree with her. I very much believe life in your twenties is about figuring out what it is you really want for your future. I would like to add one thing it is important also to keep your independence even when you are in a relationship. This seems pretty obvious but I have seen several women, especially young women, lose themselves by trying to change themselves for their guy.
What do you guys think?
Be sure to check out Blonde Features blog.
If you’d like to contribute to the advice series you can contact me on 20something Bloggers.
Previous Twenty Something Advice:
- Twenty Something Advice: Make your goals measurable
- Twenty Something Advice: Is it time for a job change?
- Twenty Something Advice: Circle of Friends
- Twenty Something Advice: Power of Music
- Twenty Something Advice: Educate Yourself on Politics
- Twenty Something Struggle: Why Can’t I Be Happy?
- Twenty Something Advice: Don’t plan your life based on what other people expect