This is the 10th post in guest post series of Top 10 lists. This guest post was written by Tanja Dugas, one of my long time friends. Tanja, better known to her students as Ms. Dugas is a highschool art teacher, painter, and all around artsy person (down to the pink hair she had back in the college days). Through a 9 year friendship we have certainly been through some heartache together, so I asked her to provide us with her magic box of heart healing tips.
My top ten tips of how to get over heartache when you know you’re never getting back together. No offense to people who break up and get back together, but if that’s you, this list is not for you.
- When you feel the urge to contact your ex do something else instead; cut all ties with him for at least a year. Workout, if you have to talk out your feelings then call a friend, blog or write in a journal, learn something new so that you have homework to do (musical instrument, foreign language,etc.)
- You will cry about him, so let it out. Make 2 playlists. The “cry my eyes out over him” playlist complete with the songs that you used to sing together and the songs he used to sing to you. Then, make a playlist that pumps you up, complete with happy, girl power songs. Then, you listen to the sappy, sad playlist for 10 minutes and you let yourself belt out the tunes and cry as hard as you can, for only 10 minutes. (Notice, as time goes on, eventually you can’t stand being so miserable for ten solid minutes at a time and you realize what a waste of time this actually is.) Then, you listen to the happy playlist as long as you need to stop the thoughts of “I can’t go on with out him”. Rules: Sing along loudly and let it all out!
- Pamper yourself– If you look good you feel good. No money? You can scrap up 5 bucks for nail polish and just leave in your conditioner longer in the shower, voila! a spa day!
- Friends and Family– You know that they love you despite your flaws. Spend more time with them, now that your planner is wide open! Plan ahead as well. The more things you have planned the less time you have to sit at home feeling sorry for yourself.
- Speaking of unconditional love…whether you were the dumped or are the dumpee….you’re not feeling very loved right now, so visit people you know with babies and pets. If you need to, volunteer to babysit, dogsit or go to your local pet shelter. Animals and babies love unconditionally and they’re just so darn cute they make you forget everything for a little while!
- Go through your entire home, slowly, and remove things that remind you of him. Some things don’t effect you, but many things do. Slowly, say goodbye to these things. Either throw them away or put them in a box, it’s up to you. Also, go ahead and delete his name and contact information from your cell phone. If you’re worried you might to contact him one day when pigs fly, then write it down somewhere where you don’t look very often.
- Allow yourself to be bitter. Feel every emotion when you feel it. Stomp your feet, yell, scream and curse. Watch the sappy movie and wimper. Experience your experience fully. If you don’t, you will end up breaking down at work, which is not a classy move.
- Dating….whether or not to and when to date after a breakup is always a big debate. I think when in doubt, DON’T. The best advice I ever got was from a guy friend of mine when he said to wait at least a year after a major gut-wrenching breakup to date again. No, I didn’t listen to him and I wish I had.
- Remember everyone heals differently. Don’t feel like a loser if it’s been months and you still cry if you hear “our song” on the radio or you get goosebumps when you hear his name. You only need to worry about yourself if it’s been years and you’re still calling into work and taking a mental health day due to “him”.
- Use this life changing opportunity to rediscover you. How have you changed since the beginning of your relationship with “him”? How do you want to change for the future, the future called your life? Make a bucket list, things that you want to accomplish and how you want to live. Do you want to go back to school, travel, learn Italian? Then, go out, live, and do it. Then, before you know it, when you’re out busy living your life to the fullest, you’ll meet the right one for you.
I believe in being strong when everything goes wrong and cherishing the absolutely amazing people and things this crazy, horrifying, beautiful world possesses.
My favorite love quote which has gotten me through my hardest times, is from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
When I was going through heartache, this song was shared with me by my oldest, dearest friend Elysa. This was her wish for me and so I played this song for years on my ipod. Hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.
Have anything to add that’s worked for you to get through heart ache? Sappy song. Comfort food. You name it, share it with us…